


Flowers Drenched In Vodka

by Nozomum_PrincessPana



Category: Love Live! School Idol Project
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Domestic Violence, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/F, I lost a bet and I'm sorry, Physical Abuse, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-18
Updated: 2017-06-22
Packaged: 2018-06-03 03:08:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 35,319
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6594247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nozomum_PrincessPana/pseuds/Nozomum_PrincessPana
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The problem with addiction, was that no matter what, without professional help, it would always happen again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Although it was 3am, Hanayo was still awake in her apartment on her side of the double bed and as much as she would rather go to sleep right now, she had a bigger issue to worry about.

And that issue was whether or not she could remain awake long enough before Eli came home.

Speaking of the blonde-haired devil, the door opened and slammed shut and when Hanayo didn’t hear the click of the door locking, she knew that she was drunk. Hugging into her sheets, she hoped and she hoped and she hoped that Eli would at least pass out in the kitchen before she decided to look for her. Due to luck, that had been the case in the previous two nights of what she had to endure.

“... Hanayo…?”

Tonight was not one of those nights.

“...Hanayo.” Shivering at the coldness in her partner’s voice, Hanayo couldn’t decide whether or not to remain quiet or to show herself. Maybe she would pass out soon…

“Hanayo!? I’m not going to ask again! I will come and fucking find you!” Hearing her words slur, the anger in her voice, the heavy footsteps, Hanayo knew that luck would not be on her side tonight. What would Nozomi say at a time like this?

Swallowing down her nervousness, she slid out from under the covers, when she heard a loud smash of a bottle accompanied by a Russian expletive, freezing her in place. That would only make her mood plummet all the more and Hanayo would have to pay in beatings for the bottle’s worth she bet. Continuing onward, she poked her head around the doorframe and flicked on the lights as Eli shielded her eyes and spat out another swear.

“Y-yes Eli-chan?”

“Clean it up. Right now.” Eli’s stare was instantly on her, burrowing into her and twisting her heart. Not in a love feeling anyway. It hurt her, it truly did to see Eli like this, but she lived with it. She had to. That was the expense of love.

Nodding and turning to go and get footwear, she felt a strong hand grasp her shoulder and spin her away from that direction.

“I said, right now.”

Hanayo nodded dumbly as a dustpan and brush was shoved into her hands. Making sure she didn’t stumble into the glass at Eli’s forcefulness, she crouched down and began to clear up the jagged shards of glass, moving herself timidly. Hearing the cupboard door open, she didn’t need to turn around to know that Eli was simply grabbing another bottle.

As much as she hated to keep a bottle of whisky or two in the house, if she threw it out God knows what Eli would do in her inebriated state. As soon as the glass was cleaned up, she grabbed a cloth to wipe up the spilt drink, as Eli drank another behind her.

“Are you done?”

Standing up and disposing of the glass, she turned to Eli who harshly slammed the now half downed bottle onto the counter, eyes half lidded.

“Y-yes…”

“Let me test that you’ve cleaned up well enough.”

Without warning, Eli pushed Hanayo down onto the floor where the bottle shards had once been. For the most part, all of the shards were gone, but a few tiny pieces that had escaped her vision (she wasn’t wearing her glasses), dug into her skin and bled. Hoping her slightly slackened effort went unnoticed, Eli narrowed her eyes.

“You’re bleeding.” It was a statement, not an exclamation of worry or questioning disbelief and growling with anger, she grabbed Hanayo by the collar and pushed her against the wall. Now that she was close enough, Hanayo could smell the scent of alcohol on her breath, foul and overpowering. “Why can’t you do anything right?!” Gripping her shoulders in a vice-like grip, Hanayo pushed down tears, knowing that if she were event to show a slight amount of weakness, things would get worse.

“S-sorry…” She felt the grip on her shoulders slacken before she felt a harsh slap across her face, leaving a stinging red mark. Squeezing her eyes shut, she braced for any more attacks.

“You're sorry. What does that mean to me?! It's not, it's not “I'm going to do better,” it's “I'm sorry for being pathetic!” Hanayo couldn't bring herself to look into those icy blue eyes, the same eyes that faced her with love every day, but with tears as she apologised relentlessly when sober. It was one of the reasons she stayed, the reason she tolerated this.

She hid her beatings as best she could, even managing to mask their true nature from Eli. Quite often Eli forgot what happened when she was in this state, so she simply said she had a few mishaps. But as things got worse and Eli began to remember what went on during her drunken haze, there was a rather unpleasant confrontation and Eli swore it would never happen again.

But that was the problem with addiction.

It always would happen again.

Luckily for her, the light suddenly left Eli’s eyes, and midway through her verbal abuse, she blacked out at Hanayo's feet. With a sigh of relief, she swallowed and stumbled into the bathroom for a moment to survey the damage done by the glass. Unfortunately, she couldn't get the glass out on her own, she would have to ask Eli tomorrow morning. She couldn't go to hospital, but right now she had to clean herself up and carry Eli off the ground to the bed.

Eli was a lot larger than her, so carrying her was no small task, but shifting herself, she managed to lift Eli to slump in the bed on top of the covers. Eli would know the situation when she woke up. Rubbing her stinging cheek and heading into the bathroom yet again, she dabbed at the fresh blood, but she was unable to even reach her back and the majority of the glass embedded in her skin. With a swallow, she collapsed into bed with a dull pain pulsing through various spots on her back.

She reached out, cupping Eli's head and stroking her cheek gently with a bittersweet smile on her face. “I love you.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I should probably mention that neither me or Princess Pana have experienced this kind of thing. Neither of us have been in an abusive relationship, neither of us have suffered physical or emotional abuse from a loved one, nor had to deal with alcoholism with anyone close to us. This sole fic comes from the mind, so you shouldn't worry about us! We only like to make our favourite characters suffer because I don’t know...
> 
> But yes, this is going to be a painful read, who wants to jump on the pain train with me? Next stop: Hangovers and regret.

Eli awoke with her head hammering, her eyelids heavy and with a mouthful of the bed sheets. Lethargically, she rolled over, facing the sight of her sleeping girlfriend next to her, who looked at peace enough. She frowned at the red mark on her cheek, feeling her stomach suddenly drop with dread.

The feeling of over-drinking she knew all too well, her parched throat and her being fully clothed in the bed prompted her to find meaning in her hungover head. She could have sworn that it would only have been one drink, something quick after work just to relax, but… It appeared that wasn't the case. And that she'd gotten out of hand again.

Rolling off the bed with stumbling, heavy movements, Eli shuffled into the bathroom to grab a full glass of water, dragging her feet and barely being able to bring herself to look at herself in the mirror. When she finally glanced up, she caught sight of her disheveled hair and loosened scrunchie, dull, tired eyes and a face that had seen better days.

She rested her forehead on the cold mirror in front of her, closing her eyes and sorting her thoughts. She couldn’t remember much, only slight blurs. She remembered dropping a bottle… Then having Hanayo pushed up against a wall. With a frustrated huff, she gripped both sides of the sink, pulling back from the mirror.

“Eli-chan?”

She hadn’t noticed Hanayo enter the bathroom; tilting her head towards her, she managed a weak smile, “Morning.” She murmured. It wasn’t a good morning after all.

“Good morning,” She said with an unfitting amount of cheeriness, “What do you want for breakfast?”

“Ahm, just… Toast is fine. And water.”

Hanayo gave her a small smile, betraying a hint of pain that wasn’t necessarily just emotional, “A-also…” She swallowed as she began, “I need your help… W-with something…”

Eli felt a lump growing in her throat, “Yeah…?”

“There’s… Glass i-in my back… Can you get it out…?” Eli felt her hand grip the sink tighter, as the lump pushed up her throat and threatened to make her burst into tears.

“Y-yeah…” Her voice faltered, “I can.” But without the confidence behind it, she sounded weak.

She sifted through the contents of a nearby cupboard for some tweezers, glancing at some painkillers briefly before bringing the container out, tears pricking at the corners of her eyes, “Have one… It'll make things easier.”

She sat Hanayo down on the bed and placed herself behind her, working off her pyjama shirt and wincing at the sight. Flecks of dried blood stained her skin, but thankfully (or rather, painfully), she could see each shard of glass entry point.

She began to dig the tweezers in as gently as she could manage to. Rubbing Hanayo's shoulder gently with her free hand for reassurance, she felt each shudder and gasp of pain run through her body. It hurt her too. Picking out each shard was an unpleasant chore, but she couldn't leave Hanayo is such a state.

Eventually, after as thorough of an inspection as her hungover mind could muster, she slid off the bed to dispose of the shards, noting that Hanayo didn't move much. She made her way back beside her, twisting her around gently to pull her into a hug, “I-I'm sorry, I'm so sorry…”

In return, Hanayo wrapped her arms around her, swallowing, “It's okay…”

“Y-you always say that,” Eli stammered, fighting back tears, “But I don't see h-how it is.”

“Because it isn't you, Eli-chan,” Hanayo pulled back up a little bit to look up at her, “And I know it isn't,” After a short pause, she continued, “Let's go and have some breakfast.”

“... Okay.”

~

Eli then remembered that she wasn't supposed to have had even a single drop of alcohol last night. Nozomi and Nico would be coming over for a quick catch up, as they so often did. Despite the fact that her hangover would likely be gone by then, she worried about the red mark on Hanayo's face, and she knew how perceptive the pair of them were.

Draining her glass, she got up and placed her dishes beside the sink, before traipsing back into the bedroom and bathroom to sort out her appearance. With a thorough brushing of her hair, a bit of makeup and a change of clothes she looked a lot better. Not that she felt better, however.

When the doorbell rang, she checked the clock on the wall, before sighing. They were pinpoint on time, not that she doubted their punctuality. Nico, although a firm believer in making herself presentable, was not one to disrespect meeting times and Nozomi tended to follow her lead. They worked much better together than she and Hanayo did, she noted.

Hanayo had already opened the door when she left the bedroom, putting on a smile and listening to the enthusiastic greetings, eventually deciding to join them.

Nozomi and Nico were noisy people when they were together. Nozomi less so when she was alone, but they weren’t alone right now. Sculling down another glass of water, she grimaced at the sink with her back to the three of them, fighting off her headache as she plastered on a fake demeanor when Nozomi called out to her.

She replied to Nozomi, turning and sitting herself down in an empty chair beside Hanayo, leaning herself back.

“So, Elichi, how’s the work towards your promotion going?”

“Ah, slow,” She sighed, “It’s all so difficult.”

Raising an eyebrow at her short answer, Nozomi pushed the conversation along, “Aren’t you racing against Sasaki-san?”

“We’re neck and neck for it I think,” Eli rubbed her eyes, sending a quick glance towards Hanayo, who was listening to her earnestly, and then another at Nico.

But Nico wasn’t looking at her, rather, she was looking at Hanayo. Not exactly an intense gaze, but a scrutinizing one. Eli cleared her throat, drawing Nico’s attention away, “Say, er… Nico, how’s your, uh… Idol photoshoots doing?”

Nico tilted her attention away slowly, as if not to give away what she was looking at anything else, “They’re going fine, thanks.”

“Hey, Nicocchi, tell them about that one photographer who suggested that you stuff your bra,” Nozomi sniggered beside her as Nico whipped around suddenly.

“Wh-why should I?!”

“Because it’s funny, Nicocchi,” She nudged her in the ribs, grinning when Nico’s expression contorted into a somewhat twisted one, “Well, if you won’t tell it… She had her thrown out when she kept going on about it! What, what did you say Nicocchi? ‘An idol must not falsely advertise to her fans?’”

Nozomi smirked as Nico stammered out a response, “W-well, I’m not wrong, am I? My fans love me for who I am.” She crossed her arms, “I’m not going to do something like that.”

Nozomi calmed down from her giggling fit and leant over to plant a small kiss on Nico’s cheek, in what Eli interpreted as a little apology for teasing her. As Nico's expression returned back to normal, Hanayo piped up as silence was about to fall.

“Does anyone want some tea or something else?”

“Tea’s fine, thank you Hanayo-chan.”

“Same here.”

Eli rested her hand on her cheek, “Yeah, thank you,” She sent Hanayo a slightly weak smile.

“I'm uh… I'm just going to go to the bathroom. Don't mind me,” Nico stood up abruptly and Nozomi shuffled to accommodate her movements, watching her exit the room.

Nico slid into the bedroom and after a quick glance around, she continued on into the bathroom. Very little seemed out of the ordinary, but something wasn't right and Nico knew it. Perhaps that wasn't a mark on Hanayo's cheek and it was the light reflecting off her? Maybe she was simply overreacting.

Just as she went to splash some water on her face, she paused before slowly opening the cabinet behind the mirror as to not make a sound. She sifted through the contents, looking for something, anything that could validate her gut feeling.

She pulled out a few items, the painkiller bottle, the aspirin. Those were reasonably normal, she supposed. 

Tweezers were normal too, but not tweezers with traces of dried blood smearing the metal.

“What the fuck…” Nico muttered as she looked them over. Nico was well versed in the world of beauty and she knew what tweezers were used for. None of those things really involved bleeding, so what had it been used for? She slid it back into place, frowning. She couldn't make sense of it.

Closing the cabinet, she noticed that some of her makeup had smudged, likely in the ordeal with Nozomi. Rolling her eyes, she reopened the cabinet and pulled out some of the makeup remover, “I'll apologise later…” She murmured to herself, dabbing and wiping off the offending eyeliner.

When it came to disposal, she pressed her foot on the pedal to open the lid, but stopped when she could spot something already inside, “Okay, whilst it’s disrespectful and creepy to look through other people’s trash…”

She knelt down and pulled out her phone, shining the flashlight on it inside, “... Guess I found out what the tweezers were for… Huh, wait…” She gingerly picked out a shard of glass and saw a Russian letter on it, scrutinizing the details before she shook her head. She stood back up and ran her hands under the water as to not seem suspicious when she came out.

‘Okay… It was probably just an accident. Agh, something isn't right. Something tells me it isn't an accident after all… The mark on her face…’

Nico checked herself over in the mirror as her mind began to race about possibilities, but she resorted to shoving them to the back of her mind to call on them later, “Whatever… Gotta get back…”

She padded back into the room nonchalantly, “Hope you guys don't mind, I had to fix my makeup so I used one of your wipes.”

“That's fine,” Hanayo smiled as she reentered the room, grabbing the only tea that hadn't been drank from.

The group continued normally from then on, after Nico had put off her suspicion that something was wrong only temporarily, however. 

When it was time for them to leave, the two said their goodbyes and hugged the other couple before leaving. Nico remained oddly silent Nozomi noticed, as they reached the car. Nozomi entered the driver’s seat whilst Nico stared out of the window on the passenger’s side.

“Something wrong Nicocchi?”

“Huh? Oh, uh… I guess you could say that.”

Nozomi frowned, but kept her eyes on the road, “What is it? You know you can tell me anything.”

Nico sighed and turned her attention away from the car door window, “Look, wasn’t something off over there? Eli was kinda slow and tired looking and well…”

“Well, I think Elichi had just had a long work day, you know? With that promotion and everything?”

“And whilst Hanayo is as happy as ever, didn’t you see the reddening on her face?”

“I didn’t see that… It was probably the light playing tricks on your eyes Nicocchi… What are you trying to suggest anyway?”

“Look, Nozomi, I know you don’t want to think about anything negative happening in their relationship behind our backs, but… Don’t you feel like something is off?”

Nozomi sighed and rubbed her cheeks as she stopped at a red light, “Look, maybe, but I’m sure it’s nothing drastic. They’re adults, they can sort out their own relationship issues. Maybe it’s some kind of work strain?”

Nico, at this point, knew Nozomi wouldn’t listen to her reasoning. After all, her suspicions were serious and she didn’t want to go around and spread some information she didn’t know was really true or not. Not to mention the accusations laid upon Eli, and who would honestly suspect their best friend of doing something so like that?

“I… Suppose you’re probably right,” Nico resorted back to looking out the window, not wanting to worry Nozomi of course. Absentmindedly, she tapped on her phone in her pocket.

~

Kotori paused what she was doing, pushing pins into their cushion and leaving the needle inside the fabric. She sighed as she leant back in her chair to retrieve her phone, raising an eyebrow at the caller. It wasn’t very often Nico called her, after all.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Kotori, I want to talk about something, just you and me. Are you free tomorrow?”

“Hold on a minute,” Kotori stood and flicked through a notebook containing her schedule, “Mm, yeah that should be fine. What’s this about?”

“Look, I’ll tell you tomorrow. It’s serious, but it’s something that I would rather talk about to you face to face.”

“All right… If you say so, Nico-chan. Is eleven okay?”

“Yeah, I can make that. See you then.”

When Nico hung up, Kotori slid her phone back onto the table with a sigh. It was an unusual request, with no mention of Nozomi coming over either, but she couldn’t help but feel something was wrong.

As she got back to her sewing, Kotori referred back to the customer’s specifications. A wedding dress, sleek, elegant and flattering. A wave of emotion hit her all of a sudden, not quite being able to discern the what was within. Sorrow? Anger? Annoyance? Melancholy. But she couldn’t worry about that right now. 

There was a girl she had always loved, after all. But she wasn’t hers.


	3. Chapter 3

When Kotori opened the door to Nico, she instantly noticed the downcast mood on her face; wordlessly letting her inside. Kotori led Nico into the living room and smiled as she gestured to a chair, which Nico took with a quiet sigh to finally break the silence.

“Do you want a drink?”

“No, no, I’m fine,” Nico waved her hand dismissively as Kotori sat down as well.

“So what’s this about?”

“Listen, I know you were never… Particularly er… ‘Into’ Eli and Hanayo’s relationship, right?”

Kotori fiddled with her hands and didn’t look up to meet Nico’s gaze, “Yeah…”

“Well look, I… I think something’s going on. And I think you’re the only one who’ll be willing to listen to me,” Nico watched her expression carefully, scrutinizing her, “Nozomi rebukes whatever I say. And I can't blame her to be honest. I came to you because you might be the most skeptical about their relationship.”

Kotori paused and sighed, suddenly downcast herself, “What is it then?”

“I don't want to throw any… Accusations around, but... I think Eli's being violent.”

Kotori raised her head, stunned into silence and Nico hastily managed to continue.

“I-I have my suspicions. I was the only one who saw the red mark on Hanayo's face… Not only that, there were tweezers with blood on them and glass shards with blood on them as well. And Hanayo was smiling, but… It was so fake.”

“How can you tell?”

“Trust me, Nico-Nii knows a smile when she sees one,” Nico raised up her hands in her signature pose, managing to force a smile to inject some kind of light heartedness into the whole encounter.

Nico watched her carefully; she didn't want to distress her. Kotori rubbed her eyes after the momentary smile fell keeping her hand hiding her face and Nico saw her swallow and take a few deep breaths.

“I… Also think it's connected to alcoholism,” Nico wrung her hands together, “One of the shards had Russian on them… Feel free to correct me, but I don't know many other glass things with Russian writing on them other than a bottle of vodka…” She paused as she tried to get a response out of Kotori, but she wasn’t really being shown one, “I don’t meant to bombard you with this… But you know how I feel when it comes to familial and relationship issues.”

“I understand, Nico-chan…” Kotori brought her hand away from her face, somehow looking a lot tireder than before, “But what can we do? We don’t even have any proper proof.”

“That’s… What I need to figure out,” Nico sheepishly admitted, “But I really can’t do it alone. I’ll probably talk to a few of the others as well… But I have to be careful. For now, just keep this talk between us. You should know what’s going on, as should everyone else.”

“You told me before Nozomi-chan, right?”

“Well, I mean… I tried to hint at it, but she wasn’t really going to take any of that from me,” Nico leant forward with a sigh, “And can you blame her? She probably doesn’t want to face the possibility that her best friend is being abusive. Would you?”

“No, I wouldn’t.”

“So you see my problem. If I’m right then she’ll have to face it eventually and I’ll be there for her, but… Something has to be done. Whether it’s to confirm or to deny my suspicions. I really hope that it’s the latter.”

Kotori sighed as her gaze shifted from Nico out the nearby window, “I do too,” She cleared her throat, feeling a lump push its way up, “I can only imagine how it’ll be if Rin-chan finds out too.”

“Yeah, God, you’re right… I have to tell Maki-chan, but I’m going to avoid telling Rin until we can figure out what’s going on. Maki-chan will know the medical signs of domestic abuse, right?”

Kotori could only nod.

“Also, it's another thing… If it is what I think it is and we do manage to get the two apart, then I need you to be prepared to take Hanayo in. No one else has the space, right?”

At this suggestion, Kotori blinked in surprise, but she wordlessly agreed regardless. Nico opened her mouth to continue her train of thought before her phone buzzed, “Shit, I have to be at the studio soon.”

“Recording session?”

“Yeah, yeah. New album and all that. Hey, I’ll drop a demo tape through if you want before it’s released.”

“I’d like that.” 

Kotori said her goodbyes to Nico with a heavy heart, struggling with turmoil in her head.

“Hey, Kotori I just realised how erm… Insensitive I might have been for dropping this on you so suddenly. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, I would have had to find out anyway if it turns out you’re right.”

“I know this might seem unrelated or maybe a little bit jarring, but…” Nico sighed, “You still love her, don’t you?”

Kotori stiffened when the question was posed to her, resorting to looking at the ground. She remembered the day she’d tearfully divulged that, to Nico and Nico alone. It wasn’t her first choice of person, but it was relatively spur of the moment. She remembered the tears and she certainly remembered the cover up. But Nico knew the importance of secrets, so she agreed to keep it between them.

After a small pause, Kotori raised her head again with tears in her eyes, “I do.”

~

When Nico arrived back home she was exhausted. Having recorded the song a total of ten times under the guise of wanting the best for her fans, her terrible stamina only served to betray her. With a yawn, she threw her jacket on the hook and collapsed onto the sofa, lying on her back before she rolled over onto her side to flick the television on.

It seemed to be a slow enough news day. When news about her latest album came on, the reporters interviewed some fans of hers, which helped lighten the burden on her shoulders. When one fan stated how he couldn't wait, she chuckled to herself, “Damn right.”

“Nicocchi, you're home?” Nozomi's voice called from the kitchen.

“Yeah.”

Nozomi poked her head out from behind the doorway, “Did the recording go well?”

“Well enough, yeah.”

“Hey, uhm… You went to see Kotori-chan, didn't you?”

“Uh, yeah. I did.”

“Without me?” Nozomi pouted and Nico couldn't tell if it was playful or serious.

“W-well I mean… You know Kotori prefers one-on-ones. Plus the fact she's always reminded of the fact that she's the only single one out of all of us. I didn't want to make her feel bad.” Whilst that was partly the truth, Nico still managed to bluff her way through smoothly.

“Mm, I suppose you're right. What was it about though?”

Nico swore inwardly as she made up a quick lie, “Outfit for a live concert. Best seamstress I know, so my agency put it up to me.”

“What’d she say?” Nozomi disappeared back into the kitchen.

“That she would think about it,” Nico sat up, relieved that her lie had played out with no difficult questions to answer.

Nozomi frowned in the kitchen; Nico was a good liar and even she could only tell when slight things were wrong. When Nico wanted something to be a secret, she could definitely keep it. The only thing she could hope to do was poke at her and hope she would divulge something on her own.

Lies were harmful sometimes, but other times they were difficult to judge. A person may be upset when a person lies to them, even if the lie itself may have been especially harmless. This was a lie of protection, Nico reasoned, besides, she had already reluctantly tried to confide about what she thought in Nozomi, but she didn't seem to want to know. Perhaps it was to ease her state of mind. Which would only make it harder when she found out the truth.

~

Eli was tired, but she supposed that was normal for someone who had collapsed out of drunken exhaustion at 3am. Even though her hangover had disappeared by now, she just wanted to sleep. 

So when she felt Hanayo's hands giving her a back rub, she swatted away her hands.

“No, Hanayo, not now. I don't deserve it.”

Hanayo frowned, “You do, Eli-chan. You've been working hard so I thought that you wouldn't mind…”

“Look, I'm just… Not feeling like it right now. Nothing against you.”

“I-is there anything I can do?”

Eli sighed and adjusted herself on the chair, “Just pour me a drink.”

Hanayo scratched at her collar nervously, “A-are you sure…?”

Eli didn't raise her head to meet her gaze and nodded lowly, “It's fine. I won't have a lot.”

That was probably true for once, as she was in Hanayo's presence. The problem was that Hanayo couldn't be with her all the time to mediate her as she was in her presence. The problem was that Hanayo couldn't be with her all the time to mediate her during bouts of weakness.

Hanayo came back after a few minutes and handed her a small glass of straight whisky, which she mumbled a thank you for. Eli watched her sit down and pick up her tablet, the two falling into a tense silence. 

This was normal though, so Eli just sipped absentmindedly at her drink, ignoring the slight burn she had gotten used to. 

About halfway through her drink, Hanayo’s voice suddenly spoke up, “E-Eli-chan… D-do you think maybe you could… You could cut down a little bit on alcohol…?”

This wasn’t part of any usual conversations they’d had, but now that she had thought about it, this probably had been on her mind for some time; Hanayo was not the kind of person to speak her mind if she worried it would hurt another in some way.

“W-well I... “ She paused, only glancing up at her for a moment before her gaze returned to the amber drink in her hand, “... I’ll try.”

It sounded empty and she knew it, and she didn’t doubt Hanayo saw it that way too. But she was far too polite to say anything, so she smiled weakly and at least thought the sentiment was there, so she looked down at her tablet again as Eli downed the final dregs, “This is all I’ll have tonight.”

She got up and placed the glass by the sink, rubbing her temples, “I’m uh… I’m going to sleep early. I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Alright,” Hanayo acknowledged, “Good night.”

~

Eli woke up at around the middle of the night, strangely rested enough to not want to go back to sleep. She slid out of bed, avoiding waking up Hanayo as she went to the bathroom sink to down a small glass of water.

She thought about going to try and get back to sleep, but she thought she would be far too restless for that. She trudged into the lounge and sat down on a chair, flicking on a lamp and squinting at the newfound light. 

She laid back in the chair, staring out the window for only a moment, before she got up and trudged to the sink, deciding to make herself do something useful if she was going to be awake so early. 

When she saw the glass that had been used to hold her whisky earlier, she paused as she was about to turn the tap on. She took it with little thought, opening the cupboard and pouring herself a drink, only having half a mind to close the cupboard again quietly.

She downed it quickly, nearly choking at the burning sensation down her throat, sighing and placing the empty glass back on the counter.

Eli wasn’t usually the kind of person to break her word. But she realised she had just done so.


	4. Chapter 4

“Nozomi, all I'm saying is that alcohol does things to a person that-”

“Nicocchi, I don't really understand the conversation we're having,” Nozomi shook her head as she idly glanced back at the TV that was currently on mute.

Nico sighed and leant her hands on her lap, looking down. Nozomi would be a huge asset in finding out what was going on in Eli's and Hanayo’s relationship, yet it was obvious she was in complete denial. She looked back up, eyes half lidded. 

She couldn't blame her of course. She wouldn't want to accept it either, but if she just a tried… 

“Nicocchi,” Nozomi flicked the TV onto standby, “What is this really about?”

She was surprised; she hadn't expected her attention this quickly. She frowned. She didn't have all her thoughts together either. No proof, just speculation. And what she thought was serious, the most serious thing she had ever thought about accusing someone of in her life. 

Nozomi was there for both of them; Nico knew this. She couldn't make her choose. But she supposed it wasn't a matter of choice when it came to abuse. And if it was, the sides were pretty much black and white.

“It's nothing. Just idle conversation, y'know?” Nico replied, abruptly standing up, grabbing her phone from the coffee table, murmuring something about a small phone call as she left the room.

She didn't look back to see Nozomi's frown, who watched her go into the bedroom, tapping onto her list of contacts and flipping down to the ‘M' section.

Nico hadn't noticed that the TV in the other room wasn't switched back on. As she dialled the number, she silently begged she wouldn't get sent to voicemail, hissing a curse when she was. 

_‘I swear to God, I'm sick of hearing this message whenever I try to make plans with her. I know she's busy, but…’_

The beep snapped her out of her thoughts, “Hey, listen, I know everything in your life is pretty busy, but I need to talk to you. Alone, which means not letting Rin tag along. Call me back.”

She said curtly as she hung up. Nico knew exactly who she would confide in.

Hanayo, she definitely couldn't talk to. She would brush her off at every turn, perhaps dropping subtle hints that she wanted, no, needed help. But she would never come forward about Eli herself.

Rin would be devastated if Nico was right. But she couldn't even tell her right now, if she did, Rin would probably go straight to Hanayo. Nico didn't need that, so Rin was crossed off her list as well.

Maki on the other hand, was a lot more responsible. She could definitely be told and trusted; she could even offer help and Nico needed all the help she could get. A doctor on standby was possibly one of the most important things if something happened.

Honoka couldn't keep a secret to save her life. While Nico knew her heart was almost always in the right place, she couldn't tell her. She would probably be just as heartbroken as Rin; she probably never would have dreamed of anyone in μ's being capable of doing that. She might even feel responsible in some strange way.

Kotori she had already told and she hadn't taken it well at all. It was only natural, she supposed. Kotori was definitely the nicest person she knew, alongside Hanayo. She couldn't take back what she said now, however.

Umi was definitely trustworthy. She could keep things from people and she could offer advice as well as action. She would contact her when she was more sure of things.

It was obvious she couldn't say anything to Eli. Talk to the abuser about their abuse? Especially when she wasn't even sure. She knew she couldn't just go up to someone and accuse them to their face.

Nozomi she wanted to tell, she wanted to talk to her so much. But it would be hard for her to hear. Nozomi's response would be to defend Eli, of course it would be. But she would be such valuable help if she came to accept it. She would have to if she was right. She would tell Nozomi when she was sure, definitely.

It had taken a couple of hours for her to get a call back and she had fumbled for the phone as she exited the room once again.

“Nico-chan, listen, if this is about the two of us having an affair with each other, I'm afraid that's off the table. I don't have enough time as it is.”

Nico stifled a groan, but she let Maki have her fun. What little of it she had anyway…

“Okay, listen, I'm gonna let you have that joke, but I need to meet up with you. What I want to talk about is too personal to do so over the phone. So I am praying that you have some free time when you're not busy having,” Nico cleared her throat, “Quote unquote, ‘fun times with Rin.’”

“Yes, yes Nico-chan, I'm free tomorrow. But it can't be for too long. ‘Fun time with Rin’ is probably the most important thing to stop me from going insane.”

Nico wasn't sure if Maki was joking or not, but she decided not to push it, “Great. But can you do this without Rin knowing?”

“... God maybe you really are about to ask me to have an affair with you-”

“Ha ha. Enough with the jokes now, this is a serious matter.”

“Jesus, what is going on? Can't you just tell me?”

“No, no, face to face. It has to be face to face, I can't do it over the phone,” Nico could almost hear Maki frown.

“Alright… You've got my attention now. I'll set Rin off shopping.”

Nico couldn't help but snigger, “What, you mean you trust her to go shopping for the both of you?”

“Hey, d’you want this meeting to happen or not? Because I could just relax tomorrow.”

“Fine, fine. I'll drop by yours at eleven?”

“Is Nozomi coming?”

“Ah… No.”

“... Better make it half eleven,” Maki didn't comment on the matter with Nozomi, “I'm making the most of that day.”

“Hope I don't put a dampner on it. See you then,” Nico said.

“Right… See you then,” Maki replied uneasily.

As she hung up, Nico wondered what would possibly happen if she was wrong. But it was better to be seen as someone who once thought one of their old friends was being violent, than to only know yourself that you had been right after something bad had happened, and done nothing to stop it.

~

It had taken a moment for the door to actually open, and Maki gave her a small smile, “Hey. Come in,” She slid her hand off the door frame and turned to go inside.

“Didn't think smoking indoors was something you should do,” Nico said as she glanced at the cigarette in Maki's hand.

“It's electronic.”

“So what you're saying is, you vape now?”

“God I hate that word… And I guess I do,” She shrugged as she sat down in an armchair and scrutinized the e-cig, “Trying to get off the dreaded ‘cancer sticks.’”

“Fair enough,” She shrugged as she watched Maki take a drag and leisurely blow out the smoke, “What's it like?”

“Shit, but if it'll keep me alive for longer, I'll give it a go. For everyone's sake,” She twirled it in her fingers, “But damn if I'm not irritable… Anyway,” She said abruptly, “Down to business. What do you want to talk to me about?”

“Right, yeah,” She leant forwarding in the chair, only pausing to gather the few words she had, “What… What would you do if you thought that… Someone you knew was being violent? As in, towards a loved one?”

“Mm,” She grunted, “Well, I know what I would want to do… Whether I would be able to is another thing entirely.”

“Go with that.”

“Gather evidence and when I was sure, talk to the abused and get them the hell out of there. Get the law involved if I had enough. With the support of the victim of course,” Maki took another drag as she eyed Nico, who looked deep enough in thought.

“Yeah, I can see that…”

“Right,” Maki leant forward, “Spill it. You wouldn't come here just to ask about a hypothetical scenario.”

When Nico cleared her throat and choked on her words, Maki frowned, “Hey look, Nozomi isn't doing anything, is she? Whilst I don't honestly think myself that the pure mother of μ's herself would do this, I'm going to believe you if you say it's true. And I'm fully willing and ready to lose my medical licence if she hurt you.”

“No, no, Nozomi would never do that…” She trailed off to a murmur when she realised that that was probably what Hanayo thought when it came to Eli.

Maki went quiet as she let Nico think about what to say, “It's… Ah Christ, this wasn't so hard the other day… It's Eli. I think.”

Nico looked up to see Maki lightly grinding her teeth, “As in she's hurting…?”

“Yeah. Yeah I think so.”

Maki leant back in her chair again and murmured, “Goodbye medical licence…” She took a quick, exasperated inhale of smoke before standing up and placing her hands on the windowsill, “Tell me what you know.”

Nico couldn't see her face. But she supposed that she should do what Maki asked.

“Nozomi and I went to their apartment the other day and it just set every alarm bell in my head off. Firstly, Hanayo had a red mark on her cheek. When I went into the bathroom, I went to sort out my makeup and found tweezers with dried blood on them and shards of glass, with blood on them as well. Oh, and the glass had small Russian letters on them.”

Maki's hand went to tap some imaginary ashes from the end of the e-cig out of habit, “I am going to put this down very slowly, because I am very close to snapping it,” Maki stated rather calmly as she placed it down on the sill, “And they cost too much.”

“R-right…” Nico didn’t bring up the fact that she had plenty of money at this point.

Maki spun around with a face like thunder, “You swear that you're not imagining things? You swear that everything you're saying is true?”

“I wouldn't lie about this kind of thing, Maki-chan.”

“... I know. I just don't want to believe it. This is why you didn't want Rin here, isn't it?”

Nico nodded and sighed, about to say something before Maki growled in anger.

“God dammit! Out of everyone this could have fucking happened to, it happens to-!” She pushed off from the windowsill, then grasping at the roots of her hair. She suddenly exhaled and stopped in her tracks, “As I said, lack of cigarettes is making me irritable…” She murmured, “Nevermind. Do you have a plan?”

“Hah?”

“Do. You. Have. A. Plan.” Maki deadpanned, having since picked up the e-cig again.

“Well… To tell the truth, not really,” She admitted, “The only thoughts I've had are to tell the people I think can handle it.”

“And those people are…?”

“Kotori already knows. You're the second one I've told, I'll tell Umi when I'm more sure of things…” 

“So… You know exactly what you're accusing Eli of? How serious it is?”

“Of course I do. Listen, Maki-chan… You're taking this harder than I thought you would… I know it's probably not my place to pry, but… Is everything fine?” Nico asked hesitantly, seeing Maki tense up.

“... When I was in university,” She began after taking a frustrated drag of flavoured smoke, “I did a little bit of research on the human mind… And what could affect it.”

Nico tilted her head and frowned as she carried on, “I came to the part about abuse. I began to connect some of the emotionally abusive behaviours to the way my parents used to treat me. I… Could have been wrong or overreacting but… I was pissed at the time.”

She chuckled bittersweetly, “I still took their hospital, their money and I'm pretty happy now, but… Can't help but feel shitty sometimes.”

“Listen, Nico-chan. Hanayo is the last person on this fucking planet who deserves something like that to happen to her,” This time, as Maki brought up the e-cig, her hand was shaky, “I do not give a shit if it's the person who used to be in our subunit, or some random person she thought she would be happy with. If what you're saying does turn out to be true, I will wring the bitch’s neck myself.”

“Maki-chan, I think you need to get some rest,” Nico sighed as she stood up and looked down at Maki's tired face, “You really don't look good.”

“I'm fine.” Maki replied curtly with a twitch of the fingers curled around the e-cig, “You caught me after a bad day. That's all.”

“Hey, listen,” Nico crouched down in front of her and brushed the hair out of her face, “You're tired, you're irritable, I have no idea how Rin will deal with you when she gets back. You need to sleep or something.”

Maki puffed the smoke out of her nose, “I… I guess.” She said weakly, suddenly grabbing Nico's arm as she turned to go back to her seat, “Tomorrow, we're going to their apartment building and talking to their neighbours to find out if they've heard anything.”

“But-”

“No, no fucking buts! We have to figure this shit out before it gets worse. And if we're wrong,” She sighed as she let go, “Then I'll thank some non-existent entity in the sky.”

Nico was about to say something before the door began to open and Rin popped through, “Hey, Maki-chan are you oka-” She stopped and glanced between the two of them, “Nico-chan’s here too, nya?”

“I just decided to drop in,” Nico said, standing and receiving the enthusiastic hug Rin jumped on her with. Maki rubbed her eyes and managed to sort out her expression as Rin barreled into her when she was done with Nico, “I was pretty much about to go.”

“Aww, okay…”

“Hey, we'll have to arrange something with everyone else,” She patted her on the back before walking backwards towards the door, “I'm sure everyone’ll be up for it.”

“Sure! See you Nico-chan, nya!”

Maki grunted and waved her hand as she adjusted in her chair, “See you.”

Nico sent her a sympathetic smile as she slid out of the door and headed off, pulling out her phone as she walked.

_‘Sure. I’ll go to their apartment complex with you tomorrow.’_


	5. Chapter 5

Maki had been forced to give up her electronic cigarette in the building's halls; apparently whoever owned the place didn't like them, even if they smelt nowhere near as bad as actual cigarettes. 

Unfortunately for Nico, she was now in an elevator with an irritated doctor who was twirling an e-cig in her fingers, looking as though she was about to punch the camera in there just so she could have one little drag. 

“... Do you think they monitor these cameras regularly?”

“Yes, Maki-chan. Yes I do.”

“Do you think they'd notice if they didn't?”

“Yes, especially if the elevator starts smelling like, what, black cherry?”

“Fine, point taken,” She shoved the e-cig in her bag, as if that would put it out of her mind.

They fell back into silence as they waited for the elevator for finally stop; neither of them had felt like taking the stairs. Maki stepped out first briskly, not looking back to make sure Nico was catching up with her. 

Maybe Nico shouldn’t have told Maki. She took it far harder than she had anticipated and although Nico couldn’t deny that she would be a huge help in this whole ordeal, she felt like she would heavily overreact when it came to any confrontation. Maybe she should have gone to Umi first. But what was done was done, and Umi would have to wait. Right now, she had to make sure Maki didn’t ask Hanayo about anything that Nico alleged that was happening. 

The proof she had was more hearsay. People would have to trust her, but what she had come across wouldn’t hold up in a courtroom at all. She would only have what she needed if she managed to get Hanayo to come forward and tell the truth about what was happening, or if she managed to piece together more of what was happening. 

“You go to the apartment on the left, I’ll go to the one on the right,” Maki said curtly without giving her a chance to argue. Not like there was any point in arguing anyway.

Nico stopped in front of the door and raised her hand to knock on the door, before stopping and realising she had no idea what to say. She looked over at Maki, who had already gone ahead and was waiting for a response rather impatiently judging from the way she was tapping her foot. 

She would just knock on the door, ask about next door, hope that no one in the apartment recognised her, get her answer and leave. That would work out, right?

She finally knocked, glancing over to note that the door Maki knocked on had since opened.

It took a few moments, but the door opened, a young man behind it who quickly looked her over, “Can I help you?”

He frowned, not necessarily out of annoyance, more likely out of the fact he was wondering why on earth an idol was knocking on his door in an apartment complex.

“Ah, p-pardon the intrusion,” She began sheepishly, “But I was just wondering if you had heard anything next door?” She gestured to Hanayo and Eli’s apartment, “Loud noises, stuff late at night maybe?”

He blinked, “Well, ah… This place has pretty good soundproofing in the walls… But I think some of it's being worked on, me and my wife swear we have actually heard some things…”

“A-anything you could make out?” She said, suddenly more anxious.

“W-well… It was kinda muffled, but we did hear a little bit of shouting late at night. A few days ago anyhow. We… We didn't think a lot of it.”

Nico was about to curse when suddenly who was presumably the man's daughter barreled through him, looking up at her with wide eyes.

“Y-you’re super idol Nico-Nii, right?!”

She had been momentarily stunned as she looked down at her, but then her expression softened and she smiled and crouched down to her level.

“Mmhm, that's me,” She said and she couldn't help but feel her heart swell when the girl smiled even brighter in awe and excitement.

“Can we do it together?!” She clasped her hands together and Nico of course knew what she meant.

“Of course we can,” She replied, making her signature hand signs and waiting for the girl to do it as well.

“Three, two, one!”

“Nico, nico, nii!”

As the girl giggled and blushed brightly, Nico felt more warmth flood into her chest.

“Can I have a picture? A-and an autograph?” She bounced up and down excitedly as Nico got back on her feet.

“Now, now Miu-chan, we don't want to bother Nico-Nii, okay?”

“It's no problem,” Nico said with a light chuckle, “It's the least I can do for taking up your time as well. If you have a pen and paper I can sign that and I'm willing to take a picture, no worries.”

“Well… If you're sure. And I can't say no to my little girl,” He said as he turned to get his phone, flipping it onto the camera mode.

Nico crouched beside the girl again, getting into her signature pose and the girl followed suit, until she heard the shutter sound effect go off and the father nod. 

“Thank you for doing this for her… She really looks up to you,” He said as she was handed a notebook of unlined paper to sign.

“Aw, no problem, I'm always happy to do these kinds of thing. And it was Miu-chan, wasn't it?”

When the father nodded, she began to write a small note as well as her signature, “Besides, you'll have an interesting story to tell your friends, huh?” She laughed as she handed the notepad back.

“I suppose I will. Thank you very much again, I can't wait to tell my wife about this.”

“No problem. Anyway, I have to be heading off now,” She said as she crouched down, “I'll be going now Miu-chan, okay?”

Miu pulled her in for a tight hug for such a young, small girl, as Nico smiled again and hugged her back, before saying her goodbyes and watching the door shut.

She let out a happy sigh before realising she had forgotten about a certain someone's presence, turning to face Maki who had her arms folded and whom had presumably watched the nearly entire exchange.

“... What?”

Maki wouldn't admit it if she was pushed on it, but for a second she had let a small smile grace her features, “Nothing. Did you get anything?”

“Mm, yeah. He said that he had heard shouting one night, but it was muffled because of the soundproofing in the walls. Shouting is never a good sign late at night,” Nico felt her previous happiness fade as she was snapped back into the cruel reality of what was happening, “What about you?”

“Nah, nothing. Literally. Or, well, nothing useful. Behind the door was; brace yourself… A crazy fucking cat lady. And she was nearly deaf. She only answered the door because one of her cats was clawing at the door. She probably lost her security deposit.”

“So… They'll allow cats not e-cigs?”

“I know, right?!” Maki said in exasperation, “Whatever, that's not the point. The point is that she doesn't ‘believe' in hearing aids and therefore has heard nothing. But I have to give her credit, she can lip read well.”

“Right… Do you want to check the upstairs and downstairs apartments too?”

“No, that gave us enough. Something bad is definitely happening. Let's get out of here.”

Maki shuddered as she passed by the door to Hanayo and Eli's apartment, eyeing it before briskly walking back towards the elevator and hitting the button to bring it to their floor. Nico followed along, what else could she do?

As they both got into the elevator, Nico decided to break the silence.

“So… When do you think Umi should get involved?”

“As soon as we get out of here I'm calling her.”

“Y-you’re not gonna tell her by phone, are you?”

“Of course not. I'm going to pull a you and say it's urgent and we have to talk to her in person.”

As the elevator stopped and the two stepped out, they quickly left through the doors, Maki sighing and pulling out her e-cig to take a drag and breathe out the smoke slowly, “Much better…”

“How does that thing work anyway? It doesn't have tobacco, does it?”

“Nope. Just the liquid. And it has nicotine in it as well. I'm slowly dialling down the nicotine level to get it to the lowest setting. You know, wean myself off it.”

“Nicotine is still dangerous, right?”

“Yeah, not just the addiction. It increases the risk of blood issues and all that stuff. Heart issues, high blood pressure, blood clots.”

“So you could like, lose a leg?”

“Yep,” She said, pulling out her phone.

“You sound really calm for someone in that position.”

“Yeah, well, I should have thought of it before I started smoking. And I did. And I still decided to smoke. So if it happens, I probably deserve it,” She shrugged as she got up the contact, “You’re good to see her today, right?”

“Yeah. This depends on Umi’s schedule too though, doesn't it?”

“I suppose so. But we'll see,” She replied as the phone began to ring and she put it up to her ear, “Come on… I don't care if you're busy hitting someone with a stick...” She hummed before the other end finally picked up.

“Hello? Maki?”

“Yep, that's me. I need to talk to you. In person. Well, we need to talk to you in person.”

“First of all, who's we, and second of all, why does it need to be in person?”

“Glad we're not beating around the bush here,” Maki said, only pausing to blow out some smoke, “We is Nico and I and we need to talk in person because it is a sensitive thing to talk about.”

“... Sure. I can talk. You'll have to come over here though if you want to talk now.”

“Perfect. See you in a bit. Oh, another thing, is Honoka there?”

“No, she's visiting Yukiho at the bakery. Is that a problem for this, or…?”

“Actually, it's better that she's not here, we can explain that later.”

“Right, ah… See you.”

~

It hadn’t taken long for Umi to lock up the dojo, but it also hadn't taken too long for Nico and Maki to arrive at her door with sombre expressions. She let them in with a bare minimal greeting from the both of them and brought them into the main room.

“Do either of you want a drink?” When the both of them shook their heads, Umi frowned, “What’s this about then? If you do want to get straight down to business.”

There was a silence before Maki looked to Nico, “Now I understand what you mean, it is hard to find the words.”

“Look, it’s about Hanayo.”

“And Eli. Both of them.

When there was another uncomfortable silence, Umi sighed, “What about them?”

“We think, or, well… Know something's wrong,” Nico anxiously rubbed at her neck as she looked to Maki for help.

“Nico-chan came to me a couple of days after I think… We checked with a couple of the neighbours and we could be misunderstanding, but we can't afford to just ignore it if it is what we think it is.”

“And what do you think it is? I can handle whatever you want to tell me,” Umi said rather calmly all things considered as she leant forward in her chair.

Maki was about to take a nervous drag, before she stopped, “Hey, you don't mind if I…?”

“Go ahead,” Umi shrugged, “Doesn't smell as bad as the stuff you used to smoke.”

Maki decided to ignore that last remark as she held the flavoured smoke in before speaking, “We think Eli's being abusive.”

Umi’s back straightened and she rubbed her eyes with one hand quickly enough so Nico and Maki couldn't see her expression, “I, er… I hope you have more than baseless accusations.”

“Blunt…” Maki murmured as she glanced at Nico from the corner of her eye, using her e-cig as an excuse not to talk.

“Y-yes, anyway… When Nozomi and I went to visit, there were signs-”

“What signs?” Umi cut her off rather curtly, but Nico quickly recovered.

Nico proceeded to explain what she had said to Maki, the red mark, the tweezers and the disposed of glass shards and that she was led to believe Eli was an alcoholic. In hindsight, Nico realised she should have taken a picture of the items and documented them. 

“Then,” Maki finally decided to stop letting Nico shoulder the burden, lowering her e-cig, “We visited their apartment complex and asked the neighbours if they’d noticed anything. One couple said that they heard shouting late at night.”

“Well, to be fair, we need more to go off than that.”

“So, you don’t believe us?” Maki raised an eyebrow with an expression that looked like it was hiding something negative, watching as Umi’s face shifted.

“It’s… Not that I don’t believe you. Scepticism is healthy.”

“But scepticism when it comes to this kind of thing could be fatal for Hanayo,” Maki’s eyes narrowed but Umi stood her ground.

“No, Maki, you’re missing my point. Scepticism in very few situations can be fatal. It would be like if someone came up to you and claimed they had bipolar disorder without a doctor’s diagnosis and needed the drugs for it. You’d be sceptical at that point, wouldn’t you?”

“Yes, but this is different.”

“Mm… I suppose so, but we live in a world of innocent until proven guilty, or at least, we should do. My belief is, if it doesn’t hold up in court and doesn’t hold up in fact, then you need more evidence.”

“Well-”

“Tell me, what happens if we just walk up to Eli and accuse her of being abusive and she isn’t? What if all of those things could be harmlessly explained? Can you imagine the emotional impact it would have on Eli, and even Hanayo at the same time? What if we ask Hanayo about the abuse she may or may not be experiencing and she isn’t experiencing it? This is a game of truths and mistruths, not allegations and guesses.”

Nico and Maki exchanged a look, a pained one, as a simultaneous feeling of doubt rose up in both of them.

“Look… I don’t want to dissuade either of you from the truth. In fact, scepticism is what leads to finding out the truth. You want to find out more, and whether what you’re saying is proven to be true or false, it is scepticism that takes you to that point.”

Umi paused to sigh, before continuing, “I don’t doubt you because I don’t trust the both of you. I doubt you because I want to believe you. So, in order to get to the point of true or false, I will help you in any way I can.”

As the two in front of her brightened up a bit, Umi glanced between the two of them, “I do have something in mind… But the two of you aren’t going to like it, in fact, I don’t either.”

“Yeah? What is it?” Nico asked with a slight sense of unease.

“All three of us, and possibly our partners, should try to drop in at more impromptu times. Try to catch something that proves your theory. If we’re lucky, we might get something like, Eli coming back drunk, or possibly something… Physical on Hanayo.”

“But… That means leaving Hanayo is a potential danger…”

“I did say you wouldn’t like it. But it’s all we can do. Catch Eli in the act, get Hanayo to talk to us and, or come forward, or see something like a bruise or a mark. It’s too risky to barge in and point fingers.”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right…” Maki was the one who spoke this time, twirling the e-cig, “So that’s the plan? Drop in, see if we can catch something?”

“If you’re both okay with it,” Umi said, “I would also probably assume that if Eli does drink, she drinks after work on days she doesn’t have to work the next day. So that’s probably a good time to check in. Or the next day, or anything like that. Do whatever you feel is necessary. Take video, or even pictures if you can manage it.”

“I guess it’s all we can do…” Nico glanced downwards, “If that’s sorted, I should probably get going before Nozomi calls me back.”

“Yep, same for me. Thanks for the help, Umi.”

Umi smiled for what felt like the first time in a while to her, as she stood up to see the two of them to the door, “I’m happy to help. This is something serious after all.”

As they said their final goodbyes, Maki murmured to herself.

“She always has been the voice of reason…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story will be taking a small hiatus whilst I work on my entry for the Love Live! Big Bang! Me and my partner have something planned, but I'm sorry about the wait ^^; Hopefully my LL! Big Bang fic will be enough to make up for it.


	6. Chapter 6

Maki didn't remember how she had gotten there, but she was in the emergency room of the hospital. She felt strange as well; this wasn't right.

 

The lights flickered, but she thought little of it.

 

She turned around and looked through towards the waiting room.

 

Something in the back of her mind told her that the waiting room wasn't actually in such of a close proximity to the ER.

 

There was a single figure sat there, so she went through and recognised it instantly as Rin. She looked sleepy, even though Maki couldn't see her face.

 

She was alarmed when Rin slumped forward and she heard a sob from where she was standing, walking towards her.

 

“Rin?” She crouched down to her height, “Are you okay?”

 

There was a short pause until she looked up, tear tracks streaked down her face and the slight reddening and puffiness around the eyes.

 

“Why didn't you tell me Maki-chan…?”

 

“Tell… Tell you what?”

 

“My… My best friend's in there Maki-chan…” Rin whimpered, “A-and, you knew, right…? Before this happened?”

 

Maki was about to answer before she broke into more sobs and she couldn't find the words to comfort her. Standing back up, she felt a hand on her shoulder.

 

“It's okay… It's not our fault… We were just too late, that's all.”

 

Umi raised her head to look at Maki in the eye and all Maki could feel was confusion, “What happened?”

 

She turned and the waiting room had a few more familiar figures. Honoka and Kotori were sat together, Honoka looking more shell shocked than anything else, mumbling something incessantly under her breath along the varying lines of _“Is it my fault? It's my fault…”_

 

Kotori had shudders wracking her body, choking out more tears than Rin was.

 

When had Umi disappeared? As Maki looked for her, she was suddenly sat beside Honoka, head bowed with her hand laid over her partner's.

 

Nozomi and Nico were on the other side of the room to the former second year trio. Nozomi had her hands clenched tightly together on her lap, silent tears and the occasional shudder running through the body. Nico had her hand covering her face, mumbling the words “I knew it… And I did nothing.”

 

Maki was only aware of how much her body was shaking when she tried to shove her hand in her pocket. She felt something in there and pulling it out, she realised it was a cigarette. And in the other pocket she found a lighter.

 

She knew in the back of her mind that this was not acceptable to do within a hospital, but the raging feelings of confusion and anxiety running through her made her feel like it didn't matter. 

 

She lit it and took a long drag, those feelings suddenly being replaced with calm. Her hands stopped shaking and the thought that she should be using her e-cig was long since out of her mind. 

 

This wasn’t right, yet all of her mind save for a small fraction didn't pick up on it.

 

The smoke she blew out wasn’t appearing, but her mind drove her to continue anyway.

 

She turned; when had she left the waiting room? Waiting for her was a corridor with a single room at the end. 

 

Her cigarette was gone and the anxieties crashed over her again as she made her way forward, the corridor taking more time to traverse than it looked.

 

There was nothing to mark the patient inside and for some reason she couldn't fathom who was inside. Entering the room, a rush of cold flooded over her, prompting a shudder to run up her spine.

 

The curtain around the bed was drawn, but her attention turned to a disheveled looking Eli sat down on a nearby chair. She didn't seem to notice Maki.

 

She had a bottle beside her, Russian letters printed on it and half empty. The anxieties inside her turned into a sudden white hot rage.

 

Before she could tell herself anything else, Maki took hold of the bottle by its neck and smashed the glass on top of her head and watching it shatter.

 

Eli didn't react strangely enough, but blood poured down the side of her head and eventually she blacked out.

 

Maki thought little of it before she made her way back to the curtain, laying a hand on it before she heard a voice whisper in her ear.

 

_“Pull back the curtain, and see what I've done. See what I did, whilst you did nothing.”_

 

The voice had little remorse, a cold hearted malice in it. And Maki recognised it as Eli's.

 

She pulled back the curtain.

 

~

 

Maki didn't remember what she had seen behind it, but now she was awake, bolted upright in bed with a constricting sensation in her chest, clammy sweat on her forehead and her violently shaking hands pressed and bunched in the sheets.

 

She was short of breath constantly, no matter how much oxygen she tried to get. She looked over at Rin beside her, but that did little to comfort her as she still remembered her face within the nightmare. She remembered everyone's face. Apart from…

 

_‘Oh fuck.’_

 

A craving broke out in the back of her mind, so she suddenly rolled out of bed and reached towards what Rin had dubbed ‘The Forbidden Drawer’, a drawer Maki was not supposed to go in.

 

Yet that seemed to distant to her as she cursed under her breath until she succeeded in pulling it open to reveal her old lighter and what was supposed to be a memoriam of her last packet of cigarettes.

 

Their reasoning was that, if the temptation was there and Maki resisted it, then it would make her recovery from addiction easier for her.

 

She retrieved a cigarette and the lighter, bringing them out with her onto the balcony. The cold night wind bit at her skin, but that was the last thing on her mind right now.

 

With the nightmare fresh and the craving near overpowering, coupled with what she had come to the conclusion was a panic attack, she stumbled until she had her hands on the fence. 

 

After a lot of fumbling, she succeeded in getting a flame and lighting the cigarette, the familiar scent coming back to her. She took a long, admittedly refreshing drag, with shaky hands that slowly calmed as she exhaled.

 

To hell with the e-cig. Relapsing made her feel better. She held the smoke in her lungs, then blew it frustratedly out her nose. This situation was getting the better of her.

 

Nevermind that she was first and foremost a doctor, this was two close friends whom had helped break her out of her shell. Stress was building up on more stress and this was the last thing she needed.

 

If only Nico hadn't come to her; ignorance was of course bliss.

 

She shook her head; she couldn't think like that. She would rather know now than have the shock later, that would probably be ten times the stress.

 

But now she had the power to make sure that her nightmare didn't come true, and as much as she loved Eli, she couldn't bring herself to forgive her if the accusations were true.

 

When the cigarette was finally worn down, she stubbed it out and lazily flicked it off the balcony, slumping to rest her forehead against the cold metal. What was she to do?

 

“Maki-chan? Are you okay?” 

 

Rin had just appeared, rubbing one of her eyes and then leaning on the frame as Maki slowly straightened up, still facing across the street below.

 

“Yeah, I'm fine,” She sent, with a hint of a tremble to her voice, “Just woke up. Didn't feel like going back to sleep. That's all.”

 

Rin frowned. Now that she had gotten used to Maki and the way she acted, she knew that this was probably a lie of self protection.

 

Rin leant on the fence beside her, looking to see Maki’s half lidded and reddened eyes, dry lips and tired expression. She brought her arm around Maki’s waist, bringing her closer to comfort her. 

 

She could tell Maki wasn't in any kind of mood to be poked about anything, much less the smell of tobacco on her, so Rin decided to stay silent until Maki turned and mumbled something about going back to bed, so Rin followed.

 

Maybe she would ask in the morning.

 

~

 

Maki had gone off to work that morning without waking Rin, which was surprising considering Maki was never usually quiet in the mornings and never put much effort in to be particularly covert as she padded around the kitchen and hit the coffee machine a few times.

 

But Rin didn't mind. She would see her later, however tired she would be. But she was worried, Maki had been weirder lately, more stressy and last night's episode had planted more worries in her mind, but how were you to ask someone who knew how to protect their emotions? And asking could always make things worse when it came to stress, to know people were worrying about you.

 

But Rin had something to do today and that was to go and see Hanayo.

 

So, as she had wasted away the morning, doing a little bit of her work and then inevitably heading out to meet Hanayo in town.

 

Rin couldn’t help but bundle up tighter in her coat as she saw her breath mist in front of her; was it really getting that cold? That didn’t matter too much though, right now, she was going to see her best friend and she would trudge through four inch thick snow to do so.

 

She entered the café and welcomed the warmth that greeted her as she went inside, looking around for Hanayo.

 

She spotted her best friend at a booth towards the back of the café, which was understandable, seeing as she knew that Hanayo had never been fond of staying in the more crowded places of, well, anywhere.

 

“Kayo-chin!” Rin waved eagerly as she bounded over, planting herself down in the booth with her before getting a proper look at her face.

 

She was about to give another cheery greeting when she noticed the bruise on her eye, angry looking and quite recent looking. Rin didn't have to be a doctor to tell that. She tilted her head.

 

“Kayo-chin, are you okay? What's with that bruise?”

 

“Oh! Ah… I just y-you know, was a bit clumsy. Walked into a door,” Hanayo said sheepishly, fiddling with the edge of her scarf.

 

Now, Rin didn't claim to be the smartest person in Japan, but even she could be perceptive enough to spot something, quite frankly, obvious. The ‘walking into a door’ excuse was a classic, but Rin cushioned the impact of her worries by amusing herself over the confusion it would cause if someone genuinely had walked into a door.

 

So, she plastered on a smile and decided to enjoy the time out she had planned with Hanayo.

 

But, she pulled up her phone and leaned her elbows against the table, pointing the phone at her face, “I'm just checking something, sorry!”

 

Rin felt bad for lying, but she felt like this had to be done. She had pulled her camera app up and, making sure the flash was off, had taken a photo of her face. Maybe Maki would be interested in this?

 

She shoved her phone back in her pocket, now a little bit unsure how she was going to contain herself and enjoy her lunch with Hanayo if this horrible seed of doubt was rapidly sprouting in her mind, having no way to get rid of those thoughts, seeing as though she had to face the black eye all the same.

 

But she made it through, even with a short walk straight afterwards, the two of them casually talking. Rin had made sure she would be facing her non-bruised eye if she turned her head to talk to her. Not that it did much good.

 

When Rin got home, she tried her hardest to contain herself, to put the worst out of her mind and just keep believing that nothing was wrong.

 

But inevitably, she failed. 

 

~

 

When Maki got home from a shift that seemed to be longer than normal, she found a solemn looking Rin seated on the sofa, rather than splayed across it as she normally was, watching TV. 

 

This threw her off a little bit, as she was fully ready to berate Rin about her posture, but still, she stayed silent and locked up the door, and stepped into the room so Rin’s attention was brought to her.

 

“I'm home,” She said, placing her bag down and collapsing into a different chair.

 

“Welcome home,” Rin replied, only sending her a glance.

 

“... So,” Maki started somewhat awkwardly, especially considering she was used to Rin initiating the conversation, “How was lunch with Hanayo?”

 

Rin couldn't help but let her face fall a tad, going into her pocket and pulling up the picture without looking at it too deeply, “Ah, Maki-chan…”

 

“Hm?”

 

“... What do you think of this?” She handed her the phone and Maki’s initial confusion vanished and was quickly replaced with anger. A similar anger to what she had felt in her nightmare.

 

“I… I think I'm going to go and kill someone.”

 

“Maki-chan…? I-Isn’t that a bit extreme?”

 

“She's your best friend. You tell me if it's extreme,” She said coldly, suddenly reaching to grab her bag and rifle through it for her e-cig.

 

“She told me she walked into a door.”

 

“What, and you believed her? That's the biggest fucking lie in the book, Rin.”

 

“No, of course I didn't! I just don't want to think that anything was going on…”

 

Maki wasn't paying too much attention, so when she pulled out her e-cig, something else got caught on her sleeve and she accidentally pulled it out, then it fell to the floor.

 

She didn't have time to fumble for it, but Rin was far too quick anyway, taking it from the floor. Maki swore in her head when she realised that the worst possible thing was what she had knocked out.

 

“Maki-chan, you told me you were quitting,” Rin held up the packet of opened cigarettes as Maki pushed the bag off her lap with a frown, saying nothing as she was trying to figure out her words, “Maki-chan, did you lie to me?”

 

Maki swallowed, but she supposed she couldn't hold back the truth, “N-no, I didn't lie to you. I want to quit.”

 

“If you're trying to quit, then how do you explain this?” Rin asked, more hurt than before.

 

“Look, Rin, you don't know what it's like to be addicted to anything,” She said, twirling her e-cig.

 

“Yeah, I know, but I promised to help and you promised to quit! That's the thing. You did lie!”

 

“I didn't fucking lie!” Her voice raised, “I relapsed! There's a difference!”

 

When Rin flinched, Maki realised just then what she had done, “Shit Rin, I-I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to shout…”

 

Rin looked like she was trying to scrutinize the situation, her shoulders tensed, “What’s made you relapse then?”

 

Maki scratched irritably at her neck, “Stress. Stress piling up on stress and then life decides to throw more stress into the mix.”

 

“So… What’s different though? You’ve been clean for a few months now…”

 

When Maki paused, Rin anxiously waited for what she knew would probably be a carefully chosen response.

 

“Look it’s… Just something that’s difficult to talk about.”

 

Rin watched Maki glance towards the phone and caught on, “It’s about Kayo-chin, isn’t it?”

 

Maki only cast her glance downwards, still fiddling with her e-cig and staying silent.

 

“Maki-chan? I took that photo! If something’s going on, you need to tell me!”

 

Her expression only hardened and she shook her head.

 

“Listen, Maki-chan, this isn’t like we’re still in high school anymore! We’re adults and I’m not a kid and I can take whatever this situation is.”

 

“I can’t… I can’t burden anyone else with this. This is what I mean by stress! Eventually things get worse and worse and they spiral and I can’t fucking do anything about it! What can I do right now?! Nothing’s working out... God, Rin, I’m just so tired…”

 

“If you tell me what’s happening, I might be able to help,” Her hurt now replaced with concern, Rin fiddled with her hands.

 

“I don’t… I don’t know what to say Rin. I really don’t. I’m sorry.”

 

“Maki-chan, why do you have to make this so hard?” Rin sat back on her seat, staring up at the ceiling, but she realised that probably wasn’t the best thing to say when it was too late.

 

Maki twitched at the tone of voice, feeling something snap in her head. Whether something was snapping into place in her head or whether it was something breaking, she couldn’t tell.

 

“Fine, you want to know the fucking truth?” Maki raised herself up out of her chair and shakily exhaled, clenching her fists until the knuckles turned white, “Your best friend’s being abused by Eli. No other way to f-fucking put it…” She felt a shudder push its way up her spine before she flicked on the e-cig and took a length, frustrated drag.

 

Maki watched the tension in Rin’s body before she slumped forwards and placed her hand over her eyes. Maki knew she couldn’t hold this back from Rin, she was already well on her way to figuring things out for herself. 

 

“H-how could Eli-chan do that to her though…?”

 

Maki sighed as she sat back down beside Rin and wrapped an arm around her after placing her e-cig on the table, brushing her thumb gently over her shoulder, “Hey, hey… I really shouldn’t have put it that way, _fucking_ … But I can tell you as pissed as I am at Eli, I think that it’s something to do with alcoholism. I don’t think she could do that to her sober.”

 

Whilst it appeared to do little to console Rin, it did make her feel slightly better. Not that it did a lot to rescue her mood from the pit of despair her heart had fallen into. And whilst Maki’s head pounded with stress and a slowly worsening headache, she tried to put up a stronger exterior. 

 

“Look, hey… How about the two of us just relax tonight, okay? We can worry about things tomorrow. Tonight won’t hurt,” She rubbed her shoulder and was pleased with herself when Rin dropped her hands from her face and leaning into her embrace with a small nod.

 

The two spent the rest of their evening avoiding talking about the issue pressing on both their minds, a small feeling a guilt seeping in as well, but they both figured, that for their own and their partner’s sake, that they should take a rest from all this.

 

~

 

Umi had decided that tonight, being a Friday evening, that she would drop in on Hanayo just to try and push for any more information she could get her hands on. And, if she was lucky, she might be able to catch Eli whilst she was drunk. Then again, she couldn’t linger without Honoka or Hanayo getting suspicious or worried about her spending so much time elsewhere. 

 

The walk wasn’t that long. She preferred walking as well as opposed to taking a car. As Winter was essentially already there, she gladly decided to take in the numbing, yet pleasant cold and the rapidly darkening evening. Although the street lamps provided a harsh contrast, she was used to it, soon enough arriving at the apartment.

 

Of course, when she had rang the bell to call up to their apartment, when Hanayo answered, she was quite surprised to find that Umi was just dropping in, but was far too polite to turn her away. Umi supposed that her politeness worked in her advantage, but at the same time, she couldn’t help but feel like some people would use that negatively. But that was the least of her worries right now, as she headed up the stairs and knock on the apartment door so that Hanayo would let her in.

 

Instantaneously, she noticed the bruise on her eye, but she was never one for bluffing, so Hanayo knew what she had seen. Giving her the same excuse as she had given Rin, rather weakly though, Umi noted, she then let her inside and offered her a drink.

 

“No, this is only a brief visit. But I thank you for your offer,” Umi bowed her head before she sat down opposite Hanayo, “Where’s Eli? Shouldn’t she be home by now?”

 

“She’s probably working overtime… You know how she is,” She said with a small smile.

 

“Mm. Has that promotion been given out yet?”

 

Hanayo shook her head, “Not yet, but Eli-chan keeps pushing herself for it. Honestly, I’m kinda worried. If she keeps working overtime I think she’ll collapse from stress.”

 

Umi’s expression softened, “How often does she work overtime? I don’t even think I would work overtime unless I really, really had to.”

 

“Usually it’s for about three days per working week… She comes home a little late, pretty exhausted too,” Hanayo avoided Umi’s gaze for a second. Despite the fact she knew Umi wouldn’t hurt anyone unless it was absolutely necessary, and that she was unexpectedly demure to some, Umi growing older and more mature had only refined her somewhat intimidating look. 

 

But Umi was blissfully unaware of that fact.

 

“Haven't you told her she should be getting home earlier? She doesn't need to push herself so hard.”

 

“Well, I've tried but.. Eli-chan can be stubborn.”

 

“That, I definitely know,” Umi nodded as she thought back to their time together when μ’s was gradually gaining members and how tough it had been to get Eli involved in the first place, “But I suppose if she won't listen to you then she won't listen to anyone.”

 

“I… Guess I could try being more assertive. But it's really not like me!” She said with a small laugh.

 

Umi was glad to see that Hanayo was smiling, despite all this suspecting. The conversation went back and forth until Umi checked her watch and sighed, “I should probably be heading off now. Say hello to Eli for me when she gets home.”

 

Umi then stood as Hanayo did, giving her a small and polite bow as she headed out the door and out of the building after saying her goodbyes.

 

Umi sighed quietly, as her suspicions grew in her mind. The bruise was something to not ignore, especially if Nico and Maki were to be believed. But now the question remained, how was she to say anything to either of them, or to get Hanayo to confess and want to get help.

 

But as Umi turned the corner to leave, she was so deep in thought that she hadn't looked behind her or around to notice anyone else, or rather, someone specific.

 

Through her hazy vision and jumbled mind, Eli made out the unmistakable sight of dark blue hair exiting the building and turning to leave in the opposite direction to where she was coming from.

 

And through all the thoughts running through her head, one emotion was picked out. 

 

Anger.

 

Drunk people were not best known for their abilities to be reasonable, and Eli was no exception. And thus, the only explanation for Umi’s sudden appearance at her apartment was one in particular.

 

_‘Hanayo's cheating on me.’_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> are you ready for the next chapter
> 
> because i'm not


	7. Chapter 7

When Eli entered the apartment, Hanayo didn't think a lot of it, other than the fact that she knew with her routine, she would be drunk.

 

But what was odd was that she was silent and although there was an obvious stumble in her step, she had a clear destination, and that was the cupboards in the kitchen. 

 

She awkwardly fiddled with her hands in her chair, deciding whether or not to say anything as a rising anxiety pooled in her.

 

But thankfully for her, it was Eli who spoke first, “So, ah… Why was… Why was Umi just… Exiting? You know,” She waved her hand over her shoulder, “Just now?”

 

“She just… Dropped in,” She didn’t dare move right now.

 

“Really? I mean… Y’don’t sound too sure of y’self…” Eli slurred as she pulled out half a bottle of whisky.

 

“It’s the truth,” Whilst the tremble in her voice came from her being scared, Eli’s mind took it the wrong way.

 

“Hanayo,”

 

She hated how that voice sounded. Cold, devoid and so different, yet so close to how Eli would normally talk to her in the day, in a more loving moment.

 

“I’m going to ask one… One more time,” She took a deep drink from the bottle before turning and trudging her way in front of Hanayo’s seat and getting far too close to her face for her comfort, “Why was Umi here?”

 

Hanayo recoiled at the smell of strong alcohol on her breath, but she also felt frustration. She was telling the truth and her loved one didn’t believe her.

 

“I told you the truth!”

 

Eli was stunted for a moment, before she straightened up, “Did you just raise your voice at me?”

 

Hanayo flinched when she realised that was exactly what she had done, “S-sorry! I-I didn’t mean to-”

 

“What have I fucking said about saying sorry?!” Her voice raised into an aggressive shout and she took the bottle by the neck and smashed it against the table, leaving the remnants of the end jagged and dripping.

 

Hanayo scrambled to grab her phone as Eli’s back was turned, her heart pounding in her chest. Shoving it in her back pocket just in time to see Eli turn and advance on her again with the bottle in hand, she let out a quiet breath of relief.

 

“Once more… Umi was here. What… What did she talk about with you? See? I'm giving you another chance… Don't make me fucking regret it,” She growled, brandishing the sharpened glass of the bottle below her chin.

 

“We just talked about your work and just small things like that! Please, please Eli-chan that was it!”

 

Tears threatened to spill as she worriedly clasped her hands together and couldn't hold back a sniffle, which, as if she had the senses of a fox, Eli caught onto.

 

“That's an awful lot of me in that conversation… Y’don’t think?” Eli circled around the chair Hanayo was stuck in like a predator with its prey.

 

“She was p-probably just curious…?” 

 

“You know… I don't believe you,” She slurred, suddenly grasping a fistful of her hair, earning her a pained yelp, before she then threw her to the floor, “Why the fuck would Umi just, oh, I don't know, drop in?! Why, at this time of evening, why, when I'm not here?!”

 

She shouted down at her and Hanayo knew that Eli wanted her to get up, and she did so, out of fear of this getting worse.

 

“I-I don’t know…” She repeated again, feeling as though she was about to burst into tears, but desperately, desperately not wanting to.

 

“Well you better know real fucking fast…” She advanced on her, “Because y’know, if you truly don’t know a thing… Then you’ve got nothin’... Nothing to be scared of, huh?”

 

Hanayo shook her head and kept backing away until she was pressed up against the wall, but Eli gave her no reprieve, harshly gripping her by the shoulder

 

“Why do you have to make it so hard for me to trust you?! I can’t leave you the fuck alone without you whoring yourself out to someone else?!” 

 

Hanayo felt that pang of fear, but it was coupled with a small relief as the grip on her shoulder slackened.

 

But Eli’s hand moved fast, almost too fast for someone inebriated, gripping her hair and slamming her head back into the wall.

 

She didn’t process the cry of pain that left her, but Eli’s voice brought her back to an unfortunate reality, “Do you think I like doing this to you?!”

 

She choked back a sob as Eli’s hand pressed into her throat, “What? You’re not gonna say anything?” She growled, “You need some fucking discipline.”

 

Eli didn’t seem to notice the grip Hanayo had on her arm, a silent beg for her to stop. 

 

But when Eli let go, she stayed shaking and using the wall to meekly support herself as Eli took a step back, “Now you…” Eli pointed a finger towards her, “Come over here… And explain what the fuck Umi was doing here.”

 

Hanayo tried her best to stay steady on her feet, and she opened her mouth to answer, but no words came out. What was she supposed to do? She was terrified, hurt and she knew this wouldn’t be as simple as waiting for Eli to pass out.

 

Summoning up what little courage she had, Hanayo turned and made a beeline for the bathroom.

 

Eli couldn’t react in time, in fact, she swayed a little bit, but Hanayo didn’t see any more as she slammed the door shut and locked it. 

 

After a few seconds, there was a thump on the door and she jumped, but the door remained secure. But more hits and slams came, getting rougher and rougher.

 

With trembling hands, she took out her phone, thankful it hadn’t been damaged and that it hadn’t fallen out of her pocket. Her mind wasn’t thinking straight when she opened up her contacts, blindly fumbling through the list before she tapped on one, any one contact that she could see that wasn’t Eli’s.

 

She backed up as far away from the door as she could as the phone dialed and a gradual sense of dread built up along with the dull, pulsing pain in the back of her skull.

 

After a few rings, the person she had called picked up.

 

“Hanayo-chan? It’s late, what is it?”

 

Kotori’s gentle, but tired voice spoke, but Hanayo didn’t have much time to dwell on it as panic seeped into her voice.

 

“P-please help…!”

 

“Huh? Hanayo-chan, what’s happening?” 

 

“I-I can’t-” 

 

Just as she was about to try her hardest to explain, the door splintered and the hinges gave way and the remnants slammed to the ground.

 

“You ran away from me. Now… Now things get worse.”

 

In her terror, Hanayo dropped her phone, rendering it useless and cutting the call off with a resounding shatter.

 

~

 

Kotori didn't know how to respond at first, as her mind mulled over the call in her head. It was short, confusing and most definitely worrying, but what could she do? 

 

Snapping herself out of a rut in her thoughts quickly, Kotori rose out of her chair and took her phone with her, hastily grabbing her coat and leaving the apartment, nearly forgetting to lock up behind her.

 

Bundling up in the coat was far more fiddly than she had imagined, but she managed it eventually at the brisk pace she walked at, and eventually, she brought out her phone, hesitating for a moment. 

 

Was she overreacting? 

 

No, no, this wasn't the time to doubt herself. She let out a shaky sigh before holding down the emergency call button on her phone and hurrying through the streets with the device pressed up to her ear.

 

She swallowed as she heard the responder pick up, “999, what's your emergency?”

 

“I… My friend, sh-she just gave me an extremely worrying call, she was asking for help and then… I heard the voice of her, ah… Partner, with what sounded like a threat and then the call just… Ended.”

 

“What kind of threat was it?”

 

“Sh-she, ah… A violent one. Her partner is someone I suspect has an alcohol problem…”

 

“Alright, what's the address of your friend?”

 

She recited the address diligently, feeling herself shudder, whether it was from the cold or the situation she didn't know.

 

“I'll be sending a unit to investigate. Don't worry, they'll make sure she's okay, alright?”

 

Kotori realised the responder probably didn't realise that she was on her way to the address, but she would probably be told to stay home whilst the authorities handled this, something she would have disregarded anyway, so she earnestly thanked the woman on the other end of the line before hanging up and pushing onwards through the lamplit streets.

 

Despite the fact she could see her breath misting in front of her, and feel the biting cold at her bare skin, it was all numbed in comparison to what her mind thought her beloved Hanayo was going through.

 

~

 

The dispatch of two police cars arrived at the scene before Kotori did, but that didn't deter her from going to enter the building after them.

 

She trudged up the steps, feeling more and more anxious every time her feet landed. Whilst Kotori wasn't hugely religious or spiritual, she recited a silent prayer to whoever might be listening that Hanayo would be okay.

 

When she arrived at the door, she saw it hadn't been forced open; probably a product of Eli's drunkenness, as she imagined her had forgotten to lock the door, but a policeman was stationed outside the door, and upon seeing her approach, he stopped her.

 

“Are you a resident in this building?”

 

“No, I… I'm the one who called the police.”

 

The man sighed and looked down, “I can't let you inside.”

 

“Please, look, just, tell me if she's okay,” She nearly begged.

 

“Well-”

 

“Get the fuck off me!” Came a slurred and aggressive shout and Kotori flinched. Never had she imagined such a venomous tone and such an angry statement come out of Eli's mouth.

 

“As I said, I can't let you in,” The man said, unaffected by Eli's sudden yell, “But an ambulance is on its way.”

 

Her blood ran cold and a shudder of fear and panic shot through her, “What… What condition is she in…?”

 

“She needs urgent medical attention in hospital. The full extent of her injuries are unknown.”

 

Kotori shook her head quickly, begging that this wasn't actually happening and covering her mouth as tears threatened to spill. 

 

Just then, blue lights flashed outside and shortly after, two paramedics rushed through and the policeman made sure Kotori was out of their way. 

 

At the angle she had been brought out of the way with, she could see inside, but regretted it when she glanced inside.

 

Whilst she couldn't see Eli, she could see what she had done.

 

The bathroom door was clean off its hinges and she could see part of the inside, seeing the chaos. 

 

Various products were strewn around the tiled floor and the bathroom mirror was shattered with flecks of blood around the main break in it. To her horror, there was an alarming amount of red present, and the bottle shank lay on the floor as well, remnants shattered, but various parts that had come off, presumably from a drop on the floor, and were smeared and still dripping, except not with liquor.

 

She couldn't bring herself to look at the scene any longer, only dreading what laid in the rest of the room.

 

Just as she backed away from the apartment further, Eli was being wrestled out of it and down the stairs.

 

A flash of recognition hit Eli when she saw Kotori, but it didn't appear to make her happy, if anything, it appeared to make her worse, “Oh, so is everyone here to fucking mysteriously see my girlfriend?!”

 

Eli pulled at her restraints again, but it did little good as she was eventually led down the stairs.

 

Kotori was shocked, to say the very least. She knew that a drunk abuser had to be aggressive, but she never imagined what it could do to a close friend, to make them seem so cold, so uncaring and so vicious towards the people that loved them. And now she was seeing firsthand what it could do to a person.

 

“Seeing as you know the victim here, I'm certain that the paramedics won't mind if you want to ride in the ambulance as long as you don't interfere with anything they may do.”

 

Kotori vaguely registered the words, but she nodded regardless, “Do you know what hospital she'll be going to?”

 

“Most likely the Nishikino hospital.”

 

Kotori tried her best to hold herself together, she knew the last thing that the police needed was a hysterical woman causing a scene late at night in an apartment complex when they had a domestic abuse victim to take care of.

 

She rubbed at her eyes and decided it would be best to stay silent.

 

She wasn't prepared when Hanayo was taken out of the apartment. Whilst she couldn't see a lot of her, she knew she was unconscious, saw the respirator and that there was a worrying amount of bruising that she could see for the split second she dared to look.

 

She tried her best to avoid any direct gazes as she followed them out the building, trying her best not to stumble down the stairs.

 

After a brief talk with one of the medics who could afford to be pulled to the side, he allowed her to stay in the back. Whilst she wasn't entirely sure if she could emotionally handle it, she steeled herself and agreed.

 

It was all so surreal to Kotori, almost like a bad dream, as she got into the back of the ambulance alongside the stretcher. 

 

It was horrible. She barely noticed the ambulance ride as she was too busy, focused on her friend and even reaching over to carefully take her hand, as if she were a doll that could break any second.

 

She remained unconscious for the rest of the trip all whilst Kotori couldn't stop herself from crying. She felt like she just wanted to wake up and for this all the be a dream.

 

But one thought remained as the back of the ambulance opened.

 

Eli certainly didn't deserve Hanayo.

 

~

 

Maki received a call on her phone exactly when she didn't want to. It was late and she was exactly where she wanted to be for a change. Snuggled up in bed with Rin after the two had decided to have an early night. She thought she deserved it.

 

She rolled onto her side and blindly grasped around for her phone which had since woken Rin as well.

 

“Mm, Maki-chan, turn it off…”

 

When Maki finally was able to see the caller ID properly, she groaned.

 

“I have to take it, it's the hospital…” She complained, sliding out of bed and dragging her feet into the kitchen, sensing that she would have to get some coffee to make it through whatever was about to come through the phone at her.

 

She yawned before answering the call, leaning on the counter as the coffee maker worked away diligently, “Nishikino speaking…”

 

“Nishikino-san, you're needed at the hospital,” Came the voice of one of the senior nurses.

 

“Are you absolutely sure no one else can handle it? What about Tomoyashi-san?”

 

“He's currently delivering a baby.”

 

“Oh, people do still have babies in this God forsaken country,” Maki remarked dryly before she swiped up her coffee cup, “Yeah, yeah, I'll be there,” She begrudgingly hung up and took a lengthy drink, seeing Rin appear in the doorway to the bedroom.

 

“You have to go?” 

 

“Yeah. I'm sorry… I know this was supposed to be just me and you time,” She sent her a tired, but apologetic smile before moving past her to get dressed, finish her coffee and head off.

 

“It's fine Maki-chan. We'll have to do this another time, nya…”

 

“I'm sorry,” Maki apologised again, “I'll be back as soon as I've sorted out the patient, okay?”

 

Rin smiled tiredly, “I'm gonna go back to sleep… Good luck Maki-chan.”

 

“Yeah. I'll see you later,” She smiled back and watched Rin go back to bed, leaning down to kiss her forehead, something she didn't usually do, but she didn't say a word more as she headed out the door.

 

~

 

Immediately after she entered the hospital, two nurses went to Maki’s side, one handing her a clipboard.

 

“Here are the patient's injuries as far as we can tell from just a simple body examination.”

 

“Mmn,” Maki grunted as some kind of vague recognition of what was in front of her, except…

 

“Nishikino-san, you do know you're holding it upside down?”

 

“I woke up about half an hour ago and yet I still came in for this. Cut me some slack,” She grumbled, flipping the clipboard so she could read it properly.

 

She read over the injuries with a frown, “Christ… Do we know what happened?”

 

“From the emergency call that was received, domestic abuse.”

 

Maki had to stop herself from freezing on the spot, but she shook her head; she had a job to do. Besides, what were the chances?

 

“Right… What room?”

 

“Just on the right.”

 

Maki didn't bother to look at anything else as she went straight in, but she was stunned the moment she saw Kotori in the chair beside the patient's bed, stopping just past the doorway.

 

Kotori just then looked up, eyes reddened and swollen and tear tracks down her cheeks, a small flicker of pity flashing in her eyes as she recognised the doctor in front of her as her close friend of many years, knowing she would just about react as badly as she had done.

 

Maki then turned her head towards the bed and she remembered what she had seen in that nightmare a few days ago.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y'all think this chapter's bad? more to come c':


	8. Chapter 8

Maki sucked in a breath as she read over the injuries again.

 

Neck bruising, a stab wound, head bruising, which Maki suspected would be a concussion and multiple bruises over her body.

 

She sighed deeply and tapped the clipboard against her knee, trying not to gaze even in the general direction of either of her friends.

 

She couldn't help but feel somewhat responsible. She was weighed down with the constant thoughts of what she could have done to prevent this, and what she should have done instead of taking the day easy.

 

All she had to have done was do what Umi had said. Drop in. It wasn't hard. She could've stopped this and yet she didn't. She shook her head.

 

“What happened Kotori?” 

 

She finally broke the deafening silence in the room and Kotori raised her head with a start, until she realised it was only a simple question.

 

“I got a phone call from Hanayo-chan. She sounded really scared. Then I heard a noise, Eli-chan’s voice, and then… Nothing. The call cut off,” Kotori stared down at her lap, “I then called the authorities and, well, now we're here.”

 

“Right…” Maki paused for a second, “Can you do me a favour?”

 

Kotori nodded slowly.

 

“Call Nico and Umi, tell them to come here.”

 

“It's really late Maki-chan.”

 

“I know what time it is and I don't care!” Maki winced at herself as she rubbed her temple, “Look, just… Call them. Please. I'm sorry for raising my voice at you.”

 

Kotori stood, “Okay.”

 

Then, she laid a reassuring hand on Maki’s shoulder, not saying a word more before she left, pulling up her contact list and sighing as she went back out into the biting Winter cold. She figured she would call Nico first, rubbing her stinging eyes before dialling the number.

 

Kotori groaned as it went to voicemail, but she wouldn't be beaten by an automated message, so she hung up and called the number again.

 

It took a lot of rings before a bleary voice answered on the other side, “Kotori? You know what time it is?”

 

“Yes Nico-chan, I know what time it is,” She sniffed, “But this is more important than your sleep schedule.”

 

“What is it then?”

 

“Listen, you… You need to come to the hospital.”

 

“What? What's happened?” Her voice suddenly had a sense of urgency in it.

 

“It's… It's Hanayo-chan… Look, you just need to come, I really can't… Explain things over the phone.”

 

“Right… Right! Yeah, I'll just… I'll be there in a bit. Nozomi will be too.”

 

“Nozomi-chan too?” She paused, biting her lip, “Are you sure?” She hushed her voice, despite the fact she was outside with no one around.

 

“I can't just tell her to stay home, can I? When one of our friends is in hospital? Besides,” This time, Nico hushed her voice, “She really needs this as a wake up call. That two of her best friends need help.”

 

Kotori sighed at the word ‘both'. Her attention had been so focused on Hanayo and about the current condition that she was in, but she had just about forgotten about Eli's problem. She couldn't bring herself to hate Eli, but that didn't mean that she was going to be exactly kind to her when she next saw her. But currently, Kotori assumed Eli was locked up in a drunk tank at this moment in time, and the victim of her was unconscious and needed more attention.

 

“I'll see you soon Nico-chan.”

 

“See you soon.”

 

As the call was hung up, Kotori mentally prepared herself for the next one. Standing around and making a call on a Winter night whilst outside a hospital was not only depressing, but various parts of her body were getting numb. So, with a sigh, she dialled Umi’s number.

 

This time, Kotori didn't have to dial again, in fact, she was impressed how fast Umi had responded, deciding to be thankful as she rubbed her nose.

 

“Hello?”

 

“Umi-chan, I know it's late, but can you come to the hospital?”

 

“The hospital? Are you hurt?”

 

“I'm not hurt, no. But… Hanayo-chan is.”

 

There was a pause on the other end of the line, and Kotori could only imagine what filled it. If Umi was willing to slap her best friend turned girlfriend over quitting being a school idol that many years ago, God knows what she would be willing to do to Eli.

 

“Hanayo? Damn it…” Kotori heard a long breath over the phone, but it was gone soon enough, “I'll be there.”

 

“See you.”

 

“Honoka will have to come too. She's awake and I can tell she's stood in the doorway behind me and is going to want to know where I'm going, so…”

 

Kotori heard a faint voice through the phone which she assumed to be Honoka complaining about being called out which did something to relieve the tension. Honoka just seemed to have that effect and she let the first small smile of the night grace her features. But was Honoka being here really the best thing? She had no idea how she would react. She only hoped Umi would prepare her for what she was to see and find out about.

 

“Alright. Just… Make sure Honoka-chan doesn’t make a scene or anything.”

 

“I’ll handle it. See you in a bit.”

 

Kotori didn’t know whether to be thankful when the two had hung up, on one hand, she got to go back inside, but on the other, she had to face what could only be described as one of the worst situations to be placed in in her life.

 

And it was all happening to the girl she had fallen in love with back in high school.

 

~

 

When Umi hung up the phone, she had no idea what to do. Rush into the car to go to the hospital, or stay back and explain to Honoka what was going on. She shook her head, she didn’t have time to do one or the other, so she would simply have to do both at the same time.

 

Bustling Honoka into the car and promising to explain on the way, she began what should be an easy enough drive under different circumstances. 

 

She didn't necessarily see Honoka as a child or as delicate, but this was something she much rather would have stayed with herself, Nico, Maki and Kotori and that they could have sorted things out and told everyone eventually, when nothing bad had come to pass and when both parties had gotten the help they needed.

 

But this was the worst possible thing to happen. They had realised too late and they hadn't done enough. In fact, Umi should have stayed for longer, she might have caught Eli, she might have been able to prevent this happening.

 

But Umi was a more practical person. The hypotheticals, whilst still invading her head, didn't matter. She had to pull through this, and possibly drag people through with her. She had done it before, she was sure she could do it again.

 

“Okay, so… What I'm getting so far is that we're going to the hospital and I don't know what else…” Honoka broke the silence with a frown, a frown Umi hated to see.

 

“Right… Hanayo is in hospital. Kotori was just on the phone to me.”

 

“Kotori-chan? Shouldn’t it be Eli-chan instead?”

 

Umi let out a long sigh as she thought of how to respond. 

 

“Well there's… Something that's been happening without any of us really knowing until recently. Nico and Maki figured out that Eli probably had a drinking problem and that Hanayo had been taking abuse when she inevitably came home drunk.”

 

“What?!” Honoka just about lurched forward in her seat, “Why wouldn't she tell us?!”

 

“Calm down,” Umi sighed, “But love makes you blind. When all you see in front of you is the person you love, some people will continue to love them no matter what they do. Even if it affects them negatively. Or leads to something like this.”

 

Honoka decided she couldn't come up with a rebuttal or anything like that, so she sat in her seat and mulled over, surprisingly calmly in Umi’s opinion. 

 

They fell back into an uncomfortable silence, and soon, they pulled up at the hospital.

 

~

 

Maki decided it was best to wait in the lobby seeing as Hanayo’s condition was stable and she could gather herself before her friends arrived. 

 

When Kotori came back in, Maki went outside to take a quick e-cig smoke to ease her nerves. She had seen a lot of things in her time as a doctor so far, but she never thought she would have to deal with this; with something happening to someone so close to her.

 

She leant on the front desk, sending her gaze to Kotori a few times. She knew moping wouldn't do much good, but at the moment, Maki was waiting for the moment Hanayo woke up. She had been unconscious for a while now, and even if she had been strangled, she wouldn't die from that. Her stab wound had been bandaged and the bruising didn't appear to be causing any internal bleeding. Hanayo was lucky on that count, she supposed.

 

It didn't take too long for one of the two cars to pull up, belonging to Nozomi and Nico, shortly followed by Umi and Honoka. 

 

Although Maki felt like she wanted to lie down and hibernate for the rest of Winter, she propped herself up on her own two feet and went to do the nasty business of greeting them under such circumstances. Kotori raised herself up a bit, but otherwise remained sat down.

 

When the four of them inevitably entered, something Maki wished they would never have to do, Nico was the first to demand an explanation for what was going on.

 

Maki awkwardly cleared her throat and began that difficult process, “As Kotori explained over the phone, or, well, I hope she did,” Maki glanced at her for only a second, “Hanayo has been admitted to hospital over some non-lethal, but nonetheless serious injuries.”

 

“Can we see her?” Umi asked.

 

“I’m going to wait until she wakes up, which shouldn’t be too long. I don’t think she’ll want people crowding her.”

 

As if on cue, a nurse came over to tell Maki that her patient was waking up. She gave one final glance towards the rest of them before heading off in the direction of the room down the hall. 

 

~

 

When Hanayo woke up, she wasn’t entirely sure where she was. She was groggy and her eyes were more blurry than usual. But as her mind cleared and things adjusted, she saw a nurse at the end of her bed, who immediately went over to ask her a few questions.

 

“Do you know where you are?”

 

She shook her head.

 

“You’re in the Nishikino family hospital, okay? Don’t panic, you’re safe here.”

 

Safe from…?

 

“Do you remember what happened?”

 

Hanayo was hit nearly full force with what had happened; when she had the flashes of what her memory had put together. 

 

The nurse only managed a sympathetic smile, “I’ll go and get Doctor Nishikino.”

 

Hanayo nodded blankly and resorted to fiddling with the edge of her bedsheet as she mulled things over in her pounding head. But she wasn’t able to get very far.

 

“Hey, Hanayo?”

 

Maki had just entered the room wearing something that she probably thought was neutral, but even in the way she was, Hanayo knew it was poorly masked worry.

 

“Are you feeling alright?”

 

Hanayo sighed, but wore a tired smile, “I’m fine.”

 

Maki’s hand fiddled with the metal clasp of the clipboard she was still holding, having to stop herself from making a comment that could be probably considered not helping at all, especially not to Hanayo’s condition.

 

“Right. How are you feeling?”

 

“My head hurts… And I feel tired,” She said, her voice slightly raspy.

 

“Mm…” Maki grunted and scribbled something down, before keeping an unpleasantly long pause, “Listen… We need to talk about how this happened. Later though. Right now, you have some visitors if you want to see them.”

 

“Who are they?”

 

“Kotori, Umi, Honoka, Nozomi and Nico.”

 

“Where’s Eli-chan?”

 

Maki bit back a venomous word or two, “I’m… Not sure. I think Kotori might have an idea.”

 

Hanayo appeared to be confused as to why Kotori would know the location of Eli, but she didn’t comment on it, “Rin-chan?”

 

“At home. I could call her if you want.”

 

“I think she should know…”

 

Maki couldn’t argue with that.

 

“Do you want anyone to see you?”

 

“Well…” Hanayo couldn't help but pause, “I don't want to worry them…”

 

Maki sighed and drew up a chair, “Look… If anything, this isn't what's going to worry us. I'm going to tell you something. Nico's been worried about you, I have and a little more recently, Umi has as well. Nico figured out what was happening.”

 

There was a look that Hanayo gave her, and if Maki dared to read further, she would probably find the question, ‘Why didn't you do anything then?’

 

“We only confirmed what was happening until it was too late… In fact, this was our confirmation. I'm sorry.”

 

Maki avoided her gaze whilst Hanayo let out a long sigh, which soon turned to a pained cough.

 

“It's alright… It's not your fault.”

 

“I think they want to see you. I'll call Rin as well.”

 

“What about Eli-chan?”

 

There were those venomous words again.

 

“I… I don't think I can let her in here. I can't do it in your best interests.”

 

“What does that mean?”

 

Maki knew Hanayo was a difficult person to refuse in the very few occasions she did ask for something.

 

“She did this to you. I can't let her in here in good conscience.”

 

Hanayo shook her head, “She didn't do this.”

 

Maki's already thinning patience was cut even shorter, “You think she didn't?”

 

“She was drunk; it wasn't her fault.”

 

“Hanayo,” Maki's voice was low and cautionary, “That is not a healthy way to think. I don't want to think that she did it either, but this isn't a situation where it's no one's fault and you just magically turned up in a hospital bed. I acknowledge; alcohol changes a person, but she made the sober choice to drink.”

 

She shook her head again, “She was always sorry…”

 

“Hanayo - who made the decision to drink when she knew what would happen to the one she loved? When she knew it would change her? When she knew that… Something like this would inevitably happen?

 

“I know how difficult this must be for you… And if you really want Eli to be able to see you, I won't stand in your way. You just have to understand that… She's not an angel in this situation.”

 

Hanayo remained silent, but soon she managed to mumble, “If she comes… I want to see her.

 

Maki sighed, but she had made a promise, “Alright… What about the others? Do you want to see them?”

 

“Could you send Nico-chan in first please…? I feel like I need to talk to her first.”

 

Maki stood and put the chair back where it was, “Yeah. I'm sure she wants to talk to you too.”

 

She then left the room to send Nico inside and to make a quick phone call to Rin.


	9. Chapter 9

Nico had to steel herself before entering the dreaded hospital room, her hand resting on the handle for a lot longer than necessary before finally pushing it open. She really could’ve used a bit more courage right now.

“Nico-chan?” She heard a slightly raspy voice say and Nico sighed in response as she finally faced Hanayo.

“Hey,” She managed to get out, trying not to react too badly to her appearance. The bruises were ugly and really didn't do too well for someone like her. She didn't deserve any of this.

“How are you feeling?”

Hanayo paused at that, “Better now.”

Nico was happy to see that Hanayo could still manage a smile and she drew up the chair beside the bed and sat down.

But it felt like they were ignoring the elephant in the room. Nico shook her head and decided they needed to get on with this.

“Look I'm… Sorry I didn't do anything. I had really strong suspicions, but…”

“No, it's okay… I kept telling myself things we're fine, that we were both okay,” She fiddled with the hem of the bed sheets, “It was my own fault it happened like this…”

“What? No, no,” She protested, “I'm not letting that slide. How is it your fault? You weren't drinking; you weren't enabling Eli either.”

“I should have told somebody though…”

“I'll admit, I was running around in the dark, but I didn't expect you to come forward… It's a difficult thing to tell someone. You really shouldn't blame yourself, it isn't healthy.”

Hanayo glanced away and cleared her throat, “I know… I don't know what's going to happen and I'm just…” She sniffled and her eyes became glassy, “I'm scared…”

“Hey, hey,” Nico took her by the hand and stroked the back of her hand with her thumb, “Why’re you scared?”

“Because I don't know what's going to happen… I don't want to be with Eli-chan anymore but I don't know where to go…”

Nico swallowed. At least her work was cut out for her; she didn't have to convince Hanayo that Eli wasn't good enough for her and she already had something sorted out of her.

“Listen… When I first suspected that things weren't quite right I went to Kotori and she agreed she would be willing to take you in if things got to this point.”

Hanayo visibly brightened at that, and Nico concluded that it looked far better on her than being near to tears, “Sh-she is…?”

“I wouldn't lie to you, would I?” She managed a gentle smile.

She shook her head and wiped her eyes gently as to not aggravate her bruises, “I don't know how to thank you, Nico-chan…”

“Just seeing you happy is enough. We're friends and you needed help. So I helped. I don't expect anything in return, okay? I only wish I could've helped a little more…”

Hanayo shook her head, “No, no, you’ve done plenty. It's not your fault things happened this way.”

“Yeah… I guess…”

After a short pause, Nico spoke up again, “The others want to see you. Are you ready to face them?”

Hanayo took her time with the answer, even though it was simple.

“I am.”

~

Nozomi was sent in despite her poor state. Besides, she did want to see Hanayo. Nico had ran down the details for her, probably skimping over the finer things before she went in to see her. Maki had come to offer her sympathies, but she never had been brilliant with words, or some kinds of physical contact, but Kotori took most of that upon herself, comforting Nozomi to the best of her shaken abilities.

Nozomi uneasily pushed open the door after wiping at the tear tracks on her face, but she immediately felt her eyes welling up again when she saw Hanayo in such a state on the bed. She was finally face to face with what her best friend had done. What Eli had done.

But even through that, Hanayo smiled at her and greeted her with just as much energy as she would have done had she not been in that bed. And Nozomi’s heart was heavier than it had ever been.

“Hi.”

Her voice trembled and felt like it would break at any moment as she sniffed and sat down next to her. 

“This is difficult, right?” Hanayo managed to break the silence and the deep atmosphere that had suddenly fell upon the room. Nozomi could only nod silently.

“I’m... Sorry Nozomi-chan.” She tried not to choke on the word ‘sorry.’

“There’s… Nothing you have to be sorry for,” She croaked, “Even if I still can’t get my head around this…”

“Me neither, to be honest… But I don’t want you to blame yourself.”

“I know, but… It’s difficult,” Nozomi noticed Hanayo had offered her hand to her, and she gladly took it, “Nicocchi - Nicocchi kept dropping hints. She was trying to get me to actually see that something was wrong… I made excuses for Elichi to her and to myself. I’m her best friend for God’s sake… I could have done something.”

“But the fact that she’s your best friend means that you didn’t really think anything was happening, you know? I didn’t think anything was wrong either, really. Or, I didn’t want to think anything was wrong…”

“You don't blame me at all… Do you?”

“Of course not,” Hanayo suddenly looked worried, “Don't think that, okay?”

Nozomi took Hanayo's hand in both of hers, lowering her head and breaking into sobs, apologies and incoherent messes of words.

Even in her position, with a dull pain in her abdomen, she leant over and brought Nozomi in for a hug. She could only imagine how this felt; to have what Nozomi likely felt was a second family to her, and perhaps a closer one, to be torn by such a jarring event. 

Hanayo was surprised to find that she had managed to hold back any tears for as long as she had done, if she was honest. But now, the dam finally broke, and she cried with her.

~

Next, Umi and Honoka agreed to go in at once. But Umi was the one to push the door open and wince inwardly at Hanayo and she occupied herself with pulling up another chair as Honoka took the one already in place with more than a hint of unease. 

Umi knew the topic would eventually come up. So, she figured it was best to get things out the way.

“Bad timing earlier, right?” She said after she had sat down, “I'm sorry.”

“You don't need to be sorry, you had the best intentions. I kinda want to have people stop being sorry too… It's no one's fault.”

“No one but Eli’s.” Umi sighed.

Hanayo faltered at that, but didn't say a word.

Honoka shifted in her chair with a quiet sniffle and Umi intertwined her fingers with hers. She was being uncharacteristically silent, and if Umi was honest, that worried her far more than she thought it would.

“Still, this isn't the place to assign blame,” Umi backtracked, “How are you feeling?”

“A little better at least,” Hanayo said, fiddling with the bedsheet, “Thanks for coming to see me though.”

“Of course. No matter the time or the weather we’ll be here for you.”

Honoka nodded and burst into tears, suddenly wrapping her arms around Hanayo, who seemed quite startled by the sudden shift in tone.

Umi frowned and swallowed the lump gradually pushing its way up her throat, rubbing small circles on her back, whilst Hanayo held her in return. It hurt. She didn't want Honoka to be affected so deeply by this. She didn't want to have caused this much trouble.

She realised that any one of them would chastise her for thinking that she had caused her own trouble. So she pushed that thought out of her head. She knew she had to, and that it was the right thing to do. The healing had to begin here, right?

When Honoka pulled away from a grip that was perhaps too tight for someone in her state, whilst Umi tilted Honoka’s head so she could thumb away her tears and smile to her.

“I'm just… Just happy that… That you're okay now.” Honoka said through sniffles when she finally faced Hanayo again.

Whilst Umi comforted Honoka, she spoke to Hanayo, “I think Kotori wants to see you. Now that you're awake, after all.”

Hanayo nodded. Truthfully, she wanted to see her to.

~

Kotori had stood outside that door for what felt like hours rather than minutes. Her hand was loosely draped on the handle, and her other was rubbing her reddened, stinging eyes. And even though she wanted so much to see her again, she remembered the ambulance ride and how she had looked unconscious. She knew that she was awake now of course, but she knew she couldn't stay there forever, so eventually, she mustered up the courage to push down and step inside.

Even if she had been sat in the room prior, now that Hanayo was awake, she still looked positively glowing. She was a wonder; a miracle Kotori thought. And whilst her heart twinged to see her like this, she admired her resilience.

As Hanayo had grown older, especially through this ordeal, she had become the person that didn't want to trouble anyone else with her worries or issues. Perhaps if someone had asked her if she was being hurt, she would simply wave it off. She was so selfless; so incredible… But perhaps not in a good way. There was a difference between being selfless and ignoring your own health and your own needs.

She sat down next to her with a smile that she had somehow found after seeing her awake and seemingly positive. 

They hadn't spoken since the short and panicked phone call.

“Kotori-chan… Thank you.”

She nearly felt her heart burst then and there. Indulging herself, she reached out a hand and took Hanayo’s. She knew it was selfish and possibly taking advantage, but Hanayo had no quarrels, in fact, she squeezed her hand gently in return.

“I did what any one of us would do.”

“But you did it. Without you I don't know what would have happened… What position I would have been in.”

Kotori sniffed, but found it difficult to act so humble. She had been the most skeptical when it came to Eli and Hanayo's relationship, but it was mostly born out of jealously, and she admitted that.

But as she had watched this happen; had even had the thought that this was happening, it didn't make her feel better to know that she had been correct about anything negative that she had thought. If anything, it made her feel worse. 

She didn't know if it was the best thing for her to drop on Hanayo at this point, but she didn't feel like she should hold this back any more.

“Hanayo-chan… Can I confess something to you?”

Hanayo looked a little bit concerned, but she nodded slowly.

“I… Well, ever… Ever since μ's was established I… I fell in love with you. A-and I tried… I tried really hard to hide it, I tried really hard to be happy for you; the both of you when you got together…!” Kotori felt more tears rise, not daring to look her in the eyes as she burned holes in her lap, taking Hanayo's hand with both of her own, bringing it closer to her forehead.

“You might think it selfish of me, but I'll admit that I even had thoughts of wanting it to fail… But… I never imagined this would happen and God, I'm so sorry… But I do still love you, even through all these years, it never faded and I have no idea how I lasted this long and I'm sorry it had to come out here and now, but I feel like you needed to know…”

A shudder and a sob wracked her frame and she vaguely registered Hanayo's grip on her hand tightening. She knew it was sympathy; she just _knew_.

“Thank you for telling me. But…”

Here it comes, Kotori thought.

“I'll need some time… To, you know, get over this and to figure out my feelings. For both you and Eli-chan.”

“Eh?” Kotori raised her head in surprise, wiping her wet eyes with the back of her arm, “You - you mean it?”

“Of course I do.”

Kotori was in complete awe; after years of unrequited love she was finally being given a small chance.

Or it was just out of pity.

But she shook her head, “Thank you. I'm sorry for putting you in that position as well, I wasn't thinking. I should probably leave you to it, no?”

“I suppose so.”

Kotori smiled and leant forward, giving her a reassuring kiss on the forehead, perhaps a bit too indulgent, but Hanayo didn't seem to mind, in fact, she smiled as Kotori stood up to leave the room.

“Get well soon.”

And she couldn't help but think that she couldn't remember the last time she was kissed with so much love.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have no idea how police processes work

When Eli woke up, she was presented with a rather worrying setting. She was in a cell with a pounding headache. 

Something had happened. Something big. Sure, things had probably gotten bad before, but she had never been locked up in a drunk tank.

She called upon the remnants of her memory and instantly regretted it when she felt a sharp pain, prompting her to bury her face in the pillow with a groan before there was a rather loud clang, feeling like it would split her head as the door slid open.

She raised her head to see a police officer looking at her with little sympathy as he gruffly instructed her to stand up and follow him out.

She hoped she had just caused a bit of a scene; maybe too much noise. Being drunk and disorderly in public was something she would prefer, rather than, well…

She trudged her way through the halls of the police station, gaze firmly trained downwards, she nearly bumped into the officer’s back as he made way to allow her into what looked like an interrogation room. She hoped she was only being filled in on what she had done. She sat down and he sat down opposite.

“Do you remember what happened last night?”

Eli shut her eyes and let out a pained exhale, trying once again to reclaim those memories, but she shook her head, “I don't…”

“You,” He sighed, “Assaulted the other resident of the apartment. The dispatcher told us that they were your significant other?”

Eli frowned and nodded. 

“The victim was sent to hospital.”

At that, Eli suddenly jolted with unpleasant energy and panic running through her, “What - Hospital…?”

“Mmhm.”

_No, **no!**_

Her head screamed at her and she clutched her head in both hands, and like a scared child she wanted to double up in the corner and sink into the shadows to be left alone. A broken sob left her and her body began to shake.

_Hospital…?_

Her mind was in complete turmoil. She must have done something awful, terrible, monstrous -

Maybe she was a monster.

She tearfully looked up at the officer who appeared to have a sliver a pity on his face for the time being, but the mask steeled again as he finished off what he was writing.

“You were heavily inebriated on the scene. You were verbally abusive, but made no attempts to resist arrest, luckily for you. We have also received word from the hospital that the victim is stable and awake as well.”

This was far too much for her to handle and this time, rather than her head splitting, she felt like her mind was breaking gradually under the pressure of what was being revealed to her.

After what felt like an eternity, she spoke with a wavering voice, “What… What happens now…?”

“You're going to be released for the time being until we get a statement of the victim’s side of things. Do you have a place to stay other than your apartment?’

“My sister's, maybe…” She mumbled.

“We'll need a contact number and an address. When you give us this, you're welcome to use the phone we took off you for the night.”

Eli nodded, still horribly shaken as she was taken to the main desk and made to fill out a few papers, and then, her phone was given back to her. She rubbed at her eyes as she exited to make two phone calls.

The first phone call she thought would be relatively simple, but the second would be another matter entirely.

“Hello? Onee-chan?”

“Hey, Alisa,” She put on a smile that was more for herself than anyone else, “Is it possible for me to sleep at your place for a bit?”

“Is something wrong?” There was immediate concern in her voice, and Eli knew she couldn't hide this matter from her sister. She sighed.

“When I get there, I'll tell you in person what's happening. I promise. I just have to make a quick stop first, okay?”

“I… Understand, onee-chan. I'll see you soon.”

“Yeah. See you soon.”

She ended the call and let her arm fall to her side, glancing around the street and gathering herself. She knew this wouldn't be clean, even over the phone, but she rang the number.

“Nishikino hospital. How may I help you?”

“Is it possible to speak to Dr. Nishikino Maki, please?”

“She isn't busy right now; I'll see what I can do. Who's calling?”

She bit her lip, “Ayase Eli.”

~

Maki was in the waiting room with the others gathered there. An uncomfortable silence reigned over them, as each of them had filed in and out to see one of their best friends. 

But a nurse came up to her to break the silence, “Dr. Nishikino, there's someone on the phone for you.”

“Who is it?”

“Ayase Eli.”

The nurse appeared a little bit startled when everyone's head raised in a flurry of different emotions. From Nico, a glare, from Nozomi, a look that suggested she would break out in tears again, but most of them were asleep. They had been here all night after all. She noticed some of the gazes turn to her, and Maki put on a scowl of her own, “Alright.”

She left the group, still feeling their eyes on her as she went behind the desk to take the phone.

“What?” She growled, “You better have a good reason for this call.”

“Look, I-I was wondering if I could come to the hospital.”

“Right,” She leant a hand on the desk, “We better get a few things straight then. Firstly, you're coming here at your own damn risk. I, nor the hospital are going to be held responsible for what Kotori may do, Umi may do, Rin, Nico, anyone.”

“A-alright…” She answered a little bit shakily.

“Secondly,” Her hand found a pen to fiddle with, “I made it very fucking clear to Hanayo that I didn't want you within any of the walls of this hospital. You should thank her for the fact that I changed my mind about that. She wants to see you, if you come here.”

There was an audible sigh from the other end of the line.

“And finally, I'm going to be in the room whilst you're with her. If you ever dare lay a hand on her without her permission-”

“You think I'm going to hurt her…?”

“I don't know. But after last night, I'm not sure if I know you any more.”

There was an uncomfortable silence for a second, but it appeared Eli had no way to argue.

“Look I… I understand how you all feel towards me right now, I-I know you're all angry and you would all probably sooner hit me than listen to me, but please - please understand that that isn't me.”

“... I know that much. You're sober right now, but you have to understand that when you're drunk, you lose control. And you made the decision whilst sober, the completely fucking idiotic decision, to drink. And look, I get it. Addiction. You and me are in the same boat in that respect. You know what the difference is though?” Her voice hushed to a harsh whisper, “I am trying to change. I have been trying to change for the past few months. And it is bloody difficult, but I had to, for the sake of not only myself, but the people I love. _That_ is what sets us apart.”

Maki felt a small pang of guilt when Eli sighed shakily, as if collectively, and she couldn't help but sigh as well.

“You're free to come here. But Eli.”

“Yeah?” She sounded pitiful.

“You need help.”

There was a pause.

“I know,” She choked, “I've known it for a long time.”

With that, Eli hung up. Maki understood that she probably didn't want to talk either. But she assumed that she was on her way, so Maki also shouldered the burden of telling the others ‘the news’.

She handed the phone back to the nurse before she made her way back over, running her hand through her hair. Everyone seemed to be awake now as well. Great.

“Well ah… For those of you that don't know, that call was from Eli. She's coming here.”

There was a flurry of emotions and Maki didn't care to try and analyse them all. But it was obvious there was a lot of internal conflict, even from the ones that had appeared to have little sympathy for Eli.

“But, good news. Hanayo doesn't appear to have any serious injuries, she can be released today. I just want to run a few more checks on her before she can be released with no problems.”

Maki glanced towards Kotori, who did brighten up at the news, but not by much. In fact, her expression hardened again before she wordlessly got up and left through the automatic doors of the hospital. Many gazes followed her, but no one tried to stop or question her, other than Umi.

Outside, it had started to rain, but fortunately, Kotori and Umi remained dry from the cover above the doors.

“Kotori.”

Kotori grunted in acknowledgement, but she didn't turn to face her, instead, she stared into the rain.

“Don't do anything that you might regret.”

“I just want to talk to her.”

“You think I believe that?” Umi said, leaning on the wall beside her.

Kotori rolled her eyes, “You got me.”

Umi sighed and looked to her, “I know you're angry. We all are.”

“You won't understand how I feel right now.”

Umi seemed a little bit stunted at that, “I don't follow that… We're all in the same situation here, we all feel similarly… Don't we?”

“Let me see if I can put it into perspective for you.” Kotori turned to clasped her hands together with a sigh.

“Think about this; Honoka never got together with you. And instead, she got together with Eli,” Kotori took a deep breath, “You spend year after year, through every μ's meetup, through every day of those feelings that won't go away, looking, and not able to say anything to her. That's bad enough, right?”

“Kotori… You mean you-”

“Then,” She cut her off impatiently, “Honoka ends up hospitalised in this very same situation. And you know you would have treated her better.”

“I'm… I'm sorry, Kotori. I-”

“No,” She shook her head, waving her hand dismissively, “It's okay, it's not your fault. But please, understand, this is different for me.”

“I, well… I still don't want you doing anything rash.”

“Words only. Maybe something else, but mostly words. Don't worry Umi-chan.”

Umi didn't like the sound of ‘something else’, but she accepted it nevertheless, turning herself back around and stepping back through the doors to be back with the rest of them once again.

~

Eli supposed that even the weather was punishing her now. With the rain lashing against her, she didn't even have a coat, but in taking whatever shelter she could, she eventually found herself standing close to the hospital, and even with what waited within, she pushed towards the cover outside the doors to sort herself out.

She brushed her hair back with her fingers, grimacing at the cold slickness before attempting to fix her ponytail.

But before she had a chance to do so, she felt a harsh slap on her cheek, that burned in stark contrast to the numbing of her skin. Whilst still in shock, she glanced up to see someone she didn't expect.

“Kotori…?”

“You have a lot of nerve coming here, you know that?” She said, taking a step back with a glare, her hand clenching by her side.

Eli thought it was probably best to begin her slew of apologies she would likely be saying a lot of today.

“Look, Kotori, I'm sorry-”

“Sorry does me a lot of good, thanks,” She said with an eye roll, “It doesn't matter what my feelings are in all this… They never have really mattered anyway.”

Eli didn't quite understand what she meant by that, but she looked towards the doors, now a little bit hesitantly. She was about to speak, but Kotori cut her off.

“Go inside. I just need some time…” She said, walking to the edge of the hospital cover and gazing towards the rainy sky.

Eli rubbed her eyes, brushing her hands across her soaking clothes as she went through the doors.

~

When Maki had seen Eli approach and be stopped by Kotori’s rather harsh slap, she nearly winced for Eli, but she stood and quickly went back to Hanayo for a moment.

Pulling up a chair, she fiddled with her hands in her lap, “Hanayo.”

“Mm?”

“What exactly do you intend to do? When questioned by the authorities?”

Hanayo looked like she hadn't been wanting to think about that, so Maki persisted.

“You know they're doing to ask you what you want to do. Whether you want a court date, whether you want to press charges. Anything like that.”

“I… I want Eli-chan to go to rehabilitation. That's all…”

Maki sighed through her nose, but not out of frustration. That was an answer befitting of someone with Hanayo's benevolence. She let her expression soften, “What if Eli doesn't want to go?”

Hanayo paused to look away, whilst Maki shook her head, “I'm sorry, but… If she doesn't go, I think you should get Eli sentenced.”

“I-I can't do that to her… She needs help.”

“Be that as it may, do you really want to just drop the charges…?”

“I'll think about that when I talk to her… I want to see how she acts and how this has all affected her… Then I'll decide.”

Maki couldn't really argue and she knew that adding to stress was a bad idea, so she nodded respectfully, “Eli’s arrived. I think the others want to have a word with her though.”

~

Immediately, Eli was greeted with stares stabbing at her and burning holes in her side. She didn't want to turn around, but found herself having to. She knew she must have looked in a pitiful state, drenched, tired and still a bit hungover, but that didn't seem to deter some of the malcontent she was sensing from the group.

The first thing she noticed was that neither Nozomi nor Rin had bothered to look at her. Maybe they couldn't muster up the courage to. And Eli understood the situation they were placed in. Both of their best friends were in dire need of help and they hadn't noticed until it was too late. But she couldn't dwell on that, not when Nico and Umi had both risen up from their chairs. 

She only took a few steps closer, but the proximity felt uncomfortable still. Like she didn't belong. Not anymore.

“I'll admit, you have some stock, coming here,” Nico said, folding her arms, “What are you here for?”

“I… I just wanted to see her.”

“And you think you deserve that privilege?” Umi spoke up, raising an eyebrow. That caused Eli to flinch.

Eli found her voice after a small pause, “With all due respect, Umi, I think that Hanayo’s the one who makes that decision.”

Umi acquiesced to that, “Then you should count your blessings you hurt the kindest one out of all of us. I wouldn't be so quick to forgive.”

Even Nico seemed surprised at that, but she seemed to rule it off as more of a thing said in the heat of the moment as she turned back to Eli.

“I would wait for Maki-chan to come back before you head in.”

They fell into silence after that, Nico and Umi going back to their respective partners whilst Eli stood. It didn't feel right sitting with the rest of them. 

But she was glad to find that Maki came back through quickly enough. Even if the atmosphere darkened a little bit. Maki merely shrugged and waved her over in a disgruntled fashion, Eli following, staring at her feet in shame.

“Few things before we go in.”

Maki turned to her outside Hanayo’s room with a steeled expression, “I'm going in with you, but I won't say a word. And lastly,” Maki sighed.

“Listen to what she has to say. Take in every little detail. Listen and look at what you did to her. Face the truth head on and make the right decision. For the sake of all of us.”

Maki paused for a second, “Eli, I still love you. You know we all do. We're all just in a difficult place right now and none of us are just going to forgive and forget. It's going to be a lot more complex than that. But we'll get through it.” She knew it was a much different tone she was taking that she had done not too long ago.

Eli managed her first smile, albeit a weak one. Maki then turned and opened the door.

“Hanayo?” Maki said quietly, only poking her head around the door before pushing it open and letting Eli in afterwards. Whilst Maki leant against the window frame, Eli took her place in her chair, avoiding looking directly at Hanayo for the time being, instead, staring at her fiddling hands. 

“Eli-chan.” Hanayo said, without an ounce of hatred in her voice. Not that Eli was expecting there to be, but it floored her so much so that she raised her head and only just managed to hold back a flinch.

She knew that plenty of mornings she had woken up to a pounding headache and Hanayo injured in some way should have been wake up calls. But she had always failed to heed those calls, continuing when she knew she needed help, when she knew what it did. And now she was face to face with what was her biggest alarm bell of all. And if that didn't get through to her, she didn't know what she would do.

She could feel Maki’s harsh gaze on her, but no words came through. Eli weakly smiled, “Hello.”

“You came here to see me?”

“Of course I did. You thought I wouldn't?” Eli said softly.

“No… I'm happy. I'm glad you're here.”

Eli's heart fluttered at that. But she knew that Hanayo shouldn't be hers, not after what she had done. 

“Eli-chan… I'm sorry, but… I don't think we can be together any more.”

Even if Eli knew it was coming, it crushed her to hear those words. Hanayo deserved better than what she had been giving her, so she accepted that Hanayo knew she needed to get out of this relationship. Even Eli could admit it was toxic.

“I understand.” She said simply, fiddling with her hands before looking back to her. 

“I'm so sorry… I know this shouldn't have happened, but I let it… Is there anything I can do to make it up to you…?”

Hanayo’s face softened, and her smile faded, “I want you to get help. Go to rehabilitation. Then you'll have made it up to me.”

Eli swallowed uneasily as she mulled over that option. She knew she had a problem. She knew she needed help. But she couldn't help but feel like she was somehow taking advantage of Hanayo’s generous nature, in the sense that she deserved to be locked up for what she’d done. But the selfish part of her wanted to take that offer.

But at the end of the day, this wasn't about what she thought was selfish. She was sure that Hanayo would derive no pleasure, quite the opposite in fact, from seeing her punished by the law. This was what Hanayo wanted, and it was the very least she owed her.

“I'll do it,” Eli said with only a small pause, “If I can make it up to you, I will.”

“Eli-chan… This isn't about me.”

“Huh?”

“This is about you. All I want is for you to get some help, not for me, not for everyone else, but for you. You need to do this, so you can get better, not do this because you were forced to do it.”

“What if… What if I'm just taking advantage of you…?” Eli sighed, “What if I'm just doing this to not get punished and I don't get better and I just relapse? Not even by accident…”

“I know you wouldn't do that. The Eli-chan I know wouldn't do that.”

Eli sniffled, running a hand through her still damp hair. But she couldn't take any more and she finally broke down, not able to care about her personal image as sobs left her, wracking her body.

Maki felt a pang of guilt. Not only did she now feel like she had invaded a private and delicate conversation, she felt bad for how she had been treating Eli in her mind.

Somehow she had managed to forget along the way that Eli was still her friend. Someone who had helped get her out of her shell. And someone she had judged all too harshly.

In hindsight, she should know what she was going through. Alcohol; cigarettes, whilst not directly the same, could still cause similar behavioural issues. She still had little sympathy on the grounds that she was trying to change herself, but she knew it was difficult and she wouldn't hesitate to give Eli the help she needed. Although sceptical about Eli’s willpower, Maki seemed to have the closest situation to her. And if she didn’t offer any support, what kind of a friend was she?

Maki carefully made her way over, placing a hand on Eli’s shoulder which caused her to jump in surprise, but she stayed with her head in her hands.

“Eli. Come on. Hanayo just needs a little bit more rest, then she’ll be discharged. I’ll find a rehabilitation centre, okay?” She said softly, seeing Eli let her arms fall as she stared downwards, but she nodded, “I’ll call you when I find something for you.”

Eli stood, but before she turned to leave, she steeled herself.

“Hanayo, I swear to you that when you next see me, I’ll be clean. I… I never want to drink again.”

And with that, she left with Maki. But she wasn’t finished with her apologies yet, so she stopped by the group and although she was mentally exhausted, she faced them all.

“Everyone… I know that this situation is all my fault. And I know that the last thing I deserve is your sympathies, but I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry…” She let out a shaky sigh, not wanting to look at the faces around her, “I promise to you all, not just Hanayo or to myself, but to everyone that I’ll come back clean… I’ll be staying at my sister’s and then going to a rehabilitation clinic as soon as I can. I’ll see you all whenever I see you.”

She glanced at everyone around her, seeing that their expressions were, although tired, they seemed to have calmed and some even reflected forgiveness, but some did reflect scepticism. But she didn't want to dwell on anything too complicated, and she sent a weak smile Maki’s way before she headed through the automatic doors of the hospital and to her sister’s.

When she was done, Maki groaned and sat herself down heavily, rubbing her eyes as she soon felt the soothing sensation of someone placing a hand on her shoulder. She looked up to see it was Nico.

“I'm sorry…” She said, running a hand through her hair, “Haven't slept all night… And Eli was… Really a mess. I think… I think I judged her too harshly.”

“You should really go home soon,” Nico said, “Rin, you can take care of that right?”

“I have to stay,” Maki cut through, “Until Hanayo’s discharge. Then I'll go.”

Nico and Rin exchanged a look, but otherwise said nothing. But they all sat in quiet, as Maki lethargically stood back up and went behind the front desk to make arrange everything needed to discharge Hanayo from hospital.

~

Eli hesitantly rang the doorbell of her sister’s apartment with a permanent pit of dread in her stomach, knowing that she would have to explain everything to her sister, with no honeyed words or sugar coating. And she had no idea how she would take it. Maybe she would kick her out and not let her stay, and she would deserve it.

But Alisa opened the door to her with a bright smile, jumping into her embrace, “Onee-chan! I haven't seen you in a while!”

“Hey! How have you been?” Eli said, squeezing her fondly before pulling away.

“I've been just fine! How about you?”

“It's… Going to take a while to explain everything that's been happening.” Eli's smile was bittersweet, and Alisa let her inside with no more than a word, sensing the mood.

Eli wearily sat down after realising how long she had been spending stood up, “Alisa… I have something to confess… Something I've had to accept in a really unpleasant way…”

She collected herself whilst her sister remained respectfully silent.

“Alisa… I'm an alcoholic. And that's not even the worst part.” She said, feeling her words threaten to catch in her throat, not able to even bare looking Alisa in the eye, “I'm an abuser too. I-I did something terrible last night I should've known it would come to this… But I didn't stop. I would say I couldn't, but… I feel like that would just be me making pathetic excuses for myself.”

Alisa had stood from her chair across from Eli and instead went to sit right beside her, putting her arm around her as Eli’s body shuddered.

“Onee-chan…” Alisa mumbled as she rubbed her shoulder.

“I-if you want to kick me out, go ahead… I know I'll deserve it…” Eli wiped her eyes with her sleeve, “I'm… Going to rehab soon though.”

“Rehab?” Alisa questioned quietly as Eli nodded.

Alisa sighed before she decided it was time to speak after a bit of comfort.

“I know it must be difficult to admit, right? And you're trying to get help so… You know, you're my sister and I still love you, no matter what. So you have my full support on this.”

Eli let out a shaky sigh, rubbing her nose, “God… I really don't deserve any of you… Or any of your forgiveness…”

“Don't say that. You need support and you deserve it. If I didn't support you, what kind of a sister would I be?”

Eli finally raised her head to face Alisa, who was wearing a careful expression. She knew Alisa wouldn't want to hurt her, no matter what kind of internal feelings she was having.

“... Okay… Thank you so much. It… Really means a lot to me that even after what I've done people are still willing to help me. I don't know why though…”

“Because we're your friends and family. The love I have for you is unconditional, and whilst I can't speak for the friends you have, I'm sure they feel the same way,” Alisa stood to go and make them both a drink, “I don't know the full story, but… I'm sure any animosity will pass. And if you’re trying to better yourself, then there’s no more they can ask for.”

“Yeah… Thank you, Alisa.”


	11. Chapter 11

It had been a day after her discharge from the hospital and Hanayo was already settling into Kotori’s apartment comfortably enough. It was a little strange to her though, to wake up in a bed that wasn't one she was used to and to find that prior events hadn't been a mere dream.

Kotori had insisted that Hanayo sleep in the bed, whilst she would take a futon in her main room. And whilst Hanayo had been reluctant to accept, Kotori had taken the time to remind her how Maki would probably blow a gasket if she found that a recently discharged patient was sleeping on the floor in a futon when a bed was in the equation.

Hanayo had had a small part time job prior to this, but she knew Maki wouldn't even allow that. But maybe it was time for something different anyway; she would have to say thank you to Kotori in some way by being able to pay some more of the rent. Not that she could work with a concussion and the after effects of it.

The stab wound, Maki had told her, would most likely scar and as much as Hanayo didn't want that at all, there wasn't a lot she could do. She didn't want to remove what was binding the wound either unless she had to. 

Kotori was able to stay with her though, reassuring her she was still beautiful even through the bruises were still there, but fading. And she would come out the other end better again. In fact, Kotori had even moved some of her work out of her sewing room so she could sit with her in the main room and talk, rather than being confined to a room filled with bright fabrics and potential sharp hazards, as well as cramped with mannequins and models.

The company was welcome and a large change to how Eli had been out so often. She kept finding her thoughts drifting back to Eli through the day, but she never went to pick up the phone and call her. Eli probably needed time and space. 

“Hey, Hanayo-chan,” Kotori spoke up, albeit a little quietly, “When did… When did _it_ start…?”

Hanayo’s gaze went to her lap before she looked up again, “Well… There's no point hiding anything else really, is there…?”

She paused before starting to speak again, “I couldn't tell you exactly when she started to drink… It probably started off small. She used to drink in moderation and never really went off the rails. Maybe on special occasions, like New Year’s,” She sighed, having never really thought about when the trouble began, “I thought it was a bit strange when she came home drunk the first few times though… She didn't hit me or anything though, but she was definitely different.”

Different… Kotori agreed with that from what she had seen a couple of nights ago. It was still difficult to wrap her head around what had actually happened, if she was honest. But she couldn't dispute it in her mind with Hanayo sat near her.

“When she first hit me… I thought it was an accident, you know? Drunk people are clumsy… I didn't even tell Eli-chan what happened. She just woke up the next day, apologised for probably getting too rowdy. I-I mean… I loved her. Maybe I still do, I'm not even sure.”

After a short silence, Kotori spoke, “I'm sorry for asking… I know I shouldn't pry.”

“It's alright,” Hanayo said, pushing up her glasses, “I think it's something I need to talk about to accept.”

Kotori looked over the young woman in front of her. It was a strange feeling, to see her grow up and be with someone else, despite the fact she felt, rather selfishly, that it was so wrong. She admired her maturity in this situation though, something she didn’t expect out of the youngest of the nine of them. But they had all grown up now and things seemed more serious than they did in school. Even Honoka had grown to make some adult decisions, finding that it was better to leave the bakery to her younger sister and be with Umi, who had inherited the dojo. They had so little to worry about, other than the odd exam, live shows and Kotori herself had had clothing deadlines. Not that she had ever gotten too stressed or worried about that, as it was what she loved to do.

“Well, if you want to talk, then I'll be here to listen.”.

Hanayo smiled at that, but didn't say anything more for the time being.

~

It hadn’t surprised Rin to see Maki completely crash for the majority of the next day. And whilst her phone was still on, she was confident that no one would call. But she knew Maki had to wake up eventually, waking up late in the afternoon, nearer to the evening and plodding out of the bedroom as if she had been called earlier in the morning to go and get a cup of coffee.

But Rin had already taken the initiative and pre-made her the pot.

“Sleep well, nya?”

“Mmn…” Maki grunted non-commitally as she poured herself a mug of coffee, pausing as she glanced towards the milk on the counter opposite and then taking a swig, not seeming to be too bothered about the bitter taste in her mouth, deciding it would be better to have a raw shot of caffeine instead.

“You’re okay?”

Maki paused and eyed her, not nastily, but with a deep lying tiredness and mental exhaustion, “I have a headache. I’m going to get some paracetamol.” 

“Uhh. I think we’re all out, nya.” 

Maki stopped halfway to the bathroom and rubbed her eyes, “Listen, I don’t want to be a burden but-”

“I’ll go out and get you some, sure.”

Rin smiled to her and Maki managed a small one in return, “Thank you.”

Rin went and left the house whilst Maki elected to go back to bed, complete with her black cup of coffee, foregoing the milk yet again as she collapsed back down and pulled the covers up. But she didn’t last very long, pulling the pillow that was usually on Rin’s side and hugging it close to her body. And for some reason, she felt as though she couldn’t stop shaking.

_No, no…_

“Rin,” She croaked, “Come back…”

She knew it didn’t mean anything. She knew that Rin wouldn’t be able to hear her, or come back for her, but that didn’t stop her from asking. From begging.

Why now? Why was everything washing over her now? At least let it happen whilst Rin was here. Whilst someone was here. And she felt horribly selfish, if anything, Hanayo should be the one to be going through this, not her. It was weak too. What would her mother and father say if they saw her like this right now? 

Then again, no one else got time off, so why should she? In fact, she shouldn’t be taking any time off at all, as the director of a well-known hospital. She was important; she was necessary.

But if anything, the crushing expectations felt to be too much for her. Wait - she still had to find Eli a rehabilitation clinic. She had to make sure Hanayo was alright, not that she doubted Kotori’s abilities to make her feel at home and to gradually unwind from this whole ordeal. She had to make sure everything was running smoothly at the hospital and -

She didn’t want μ's to break.

Maybe that was what made everything to daunting, the realisation that things might never go back to normal. Then again, they could never go back to high school. They had become adults, they had matured and they had all achieved a career and most had gotten an other half.

If there was one thing she had learned though, it was that life wasn’t fair. Not everything can be the perfect life you imagined it to be in those idealistic dreams you had in high school. Of course, she had known that being a doctor was going to be stressful, but she had never imagined things would reach this extent and even less she imagined having time for herself at any point.

It had felt like hours had passed, rather than minutes, for how long it took Rin to get back and before she knew it, Rin was there, making a fuss over her and only half registering the words she was saying. She clambered into bed beside her, holding her close to her as Maki felt as though she were running out of breath; drowning in her own head.

~

Eli received the call a week after the incident had occurred. Calling it that did dampen the impact it had, she noticed, even if she did feel like she should own something like this rather than avoid it with a euphemism. She grabbed her phone, answering to hear Maki’s ever-tired voice on the other side.

_“Found a rehab for you. Kinda local too. I’ll head over there with you and we can get you in.”_

“Thank you so much, Maki.”

_“I’m trusting that you haven’t touched much of the stuff since you got to your sister’s.”_

“Yeah, don’t worry,” Eli sighed, “Alisa locked anything she actually had up that’s really strong and is making sure I don’t sneak out to any bars. I’m cutting back and Alisa’s helping.”

_“Glad to hear. Keep at it and rehab’ll help sort you out, this is just a head start.”_

There was a short silence on both ends of the line.

_“How’re you holding up?”_

“I feel terrible. I’ll… I’ll be honest. I wish it hadn’t gotten this far, I have so many regrets and I just want all this to be a bad dream.”

_“... Yeah. I’m sorry.”_

“I’m not the one who deserves apologies, Maki. Give me the address of the rehab and I’ll meet you there at whatever time. Preferably sooner rather than later though.”

_“How does tomorrow sound? 11am. I’ve called ahead and they’ve got you a space.”_

“That sounds fine.”

_“I was just wondering… How would you feel about some of the others coming to see you off?”_

Eli managed a sigh, rubbing at the back of the neck, “I’d… Prefer if it was a small group. But I wouldn’t mind.”

_“I don’t think some of us want the sun to set on our anger, if you get what I mean. Four of us, no more, possibly less.”_

Eli agreed and wrote down the address that Maki proceeded to give her, then hanging up with a sigh. She knew that word would likely reach the rest of her friends soon enough, but she went to break the news to her sister regardless.

It had taken a while to come to terms with what she was being faced with. Of course, she had established that she had problems and that she had caused something horrible within the perfect group of goddesses that were supposedly μ's. And even if her memory was broken and fragmented, with little bits and pieces missing, she knew she couldn’t escape what she had done. And now she was being faced with serious professional rehabilitation that she should have gotten a lot earlier.

She didn’t want to face her friends right now and she knew she wouldn’t want to for a while, until she sorted herself out and until she was clean, not matter how long it took. Maybe she would take some visitors, she knew that Maki would want to check up on her, even if it required managing to salvage a sliver a time off work. The others would probably need time to mull over how they felt in their head. And Eli couldn’t blame them, she would feel the exact same way if it was someone else within the group. But alas, it had been her. From the reliable school council president, to an abusive drunkard.

~

Kotori, although still not quite sure how she felt about Eli, had been one of the few to agree to coming along to the rehabilitation centre and see Eli off. Still harbouring a bit of a grudge, she had stepped through the doors, making her way over to the group that had already gathered, of Maki, Umi, Nozomi and Eli.

Whilst looking better, Eli still didn’t look particularly well. Kotori could spot the trademark signs of a lack of sleep, the absence of a thorough hair brush and clothes that had just been thrown on in the morning. A lack of overall care and the presence of guilt. Even so, Kotori had let jealousy get the better of her over the years and felt a distinct omission of sympathy, but quickly snapped out of it. This friend needed just as much help as the other, however sour her feelings towards her were.

Upon being greeted, Kotori did notice that Eli was almost shying away from her gaze, not that she could blame her. She brought up some small talk with the rest of them, whilst Eli and Maki went to the front desk to get her checked in. 

Umi hadn’t looked like she’d had any particularly restless nights, then again, with being busy most of the day, the stress was apparent on her face, the only smiles she gave were small and quick and she’d tied her hair back in a loose bun.

Nozomi did look the worst out of them all, Kotori thought, perhaps a bit rudely. Whilst her hair was up in her usual twintails, her eyes betrayed tiredness and her makeup was sloppily done. Then again, she could only imagine what she was going through. Nozomi tended to be more sensitive than she let on.

“Kotori.”

“Mm?” she turned to face Eli, who was still avoiding her gaze.

“Can I talk to you for a minute…? Privately?”

Kotori glanced towards Nozomi and Umi before nodding and stepping away with her.

“Look, Kotori… I know you don’t like me-”

“Eli-chan, I’ll stop you right there. I don’t dislike you, I don’t dislike you at all. You just have to understand that this has been tough for all of us and friends fight or fall out and… I know that slapping you was probably an overreaction on my part. I’m sorry about that.”

“No, no, I probably deserved it… No, I definitely did. But I just wanted to ask you something, just… Just have a small chat, set the record straight.”

“That’s fine with me.”

“I suppose my main point that I wanted to make is… Take good care of her. I know that I’m an easy act to follow, but it’s the least she deserves. And I know it’s not my place to ask either.”

“Don’t worry, Eli-chan. I’ll do all that I can.”

“You’ll do a better job than me, that’s for sure.” 

The two shared a smile briefly, before Kotori then took the opportunity to pull Eli into a hug, which Eli seemed reluctant to return for a moment, before her arms wrapped around her. Eli sighed shakily as they pulled away, rubbing her eyes with her thumb and index finger, looking as though she were about to cry.

“C’mon, cut that out,” Kotori said warmly, thumbing away her tears briefly, “You’ve shown us that you’re willing to change. And you will, I know you will. Hanayo-chan will see that too.”

Eli nodded before speaking in a trembling voice, “I should… I should go and talk to Umi. Then Nozomi.” 

“Yeah.”

With that, Eli moved off and went to talk to Umi first, whilst Kotori went back to Nozomi.

“Thanks for coming to see me off, Umi.”

“Of course. I have been intending to apologise for being so… Firm with you the other day.”

“I deserved it. You needn’t worry about my feelings in the grand scheme of things, especially when it’s the truth.”

“But I do worry. I might not tend to show it, but I still care about you.”

“It… It means a lot. I don’t know how I’d cope through this without friends, even if we are on rocky ground right now.”

“We’ll get through it. Remember our first Love Live?” Umi said with a small laugh.

“How could I ever forget?” Eli smiled.

After a short bout of silence, Umi spoke up again, “I know you’ve been putting it off, but… I think it’s time to talk to Nozomi.”

Eli’s smile faded, but she nodded regardless, “Yeah, you’re right. I’ll see you around.”

Umi nodded before stepping aside to let Eli come through and make her way to Nozomi.

“Elichi,” Nozomi greeted simply when she saw her, managing a tired smile. This was a conversation that Eli had been dreading.

“Nozomi. Can we just…? Step away, for a second…?”

“Sure.”

Shuffling away from the rest of the group, Eli awkwardly opened her mouth to say something, but then wasn’t entirely sure about what to say at all. She sighed, rubbing the back of her neck before her arms uselessly dropped to her sides.

“I-I’m sorry, I really don’t know what to say. I just… I know I need to talk to you.”

“We’ve got time. Don’t worry about it, Elichi.”

Another bout of silence passed for a brief moment, “I know my reputation’s pretty much, just… Gone to shit, but… I don’t want you to get upset by this or blame yourself.”

Nozomi nodded, “I know, but it’s difficult…”

“Listen, this would have hopefully been the end product either way. No matter what happened, I was going to need to go to rehabilitation.”

“I suppose I was an idiot for being blind to things…”

“How could you have possibly known?” She said softly, “None of us wanted to face this. I don’t expect you to have either. Who’s going to go up to their best friend and accuse them of something like that, however true it turned out to be?”

“... You’re right. I already know the answer to this, but… You’ll do your best in there? You’ll get clean?”

“Of course I will, completely, I’ll never touch a bottle again.”

“That’s all I needed to hear. I know you can do it. And I’ll make time to come and see you.”

“I’d like that. And I’m so sorry for all the trouble I’ve caused between everyone.”

“I’m sure we’ll all come to forgive you,” Nozomi assured, pulling her into a hug, “No matter how long it takes.”

No more words were shared as Eli pulled away from the hug, Maki bringing her to the doors where an attendant would help Eli ease into the new environment.

“You’re ready?”

“I’m not sure I’ll ever be, but I’m as close as I am to it.”

Maki nodded, “Hey, Eli, listen… When I was younger I looked up to the student council president. Honoka, less so, but you were definitely someone to admire. And I still do, to a degree. What I’m saying is,” She sighed, “I’m not good with words, but get in there and get out so we can all be a family again. And I don’t have any doubts in you, absolutely none of us do.”

Eli smiled gently, “Of course. Thank you Maki, but don’t let yourself burn out. I think after this you deserve some off time.”

“Yeah, yeah, people have been saying that to me for a while…”

Eli chuckled before receiving a pat on the back from Maki and finally making the difficult first step through those doors.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i’m so sorry for the lack of an update,,, things have been getting pretty hectic irl and i’ve been getting burned out in general, as well as whenever i try to write, especially serious stuff. But i hope this is worth the wait! I think there’ll be one, maybe two more chapters after this, thank you for sticking with me and princess pana through this fic!


	12. Chapter 12

After six months had passed, it was obvious Hanayo’s wounds had healed for the most part, even if emotional turmoil sometimes threatened to break out and sometimes, Kotori couldn’t stop that. She could only do so much, comforting Hanayo through the tears.

It had turned out that Hanayo had taken away a negative trait from her experience, as expected and now she couldn’t stand to see anyone get angry without having traumatic flashbacks, or the idea that she herself was the one who had done something wrong to bring it about. Kotori had learned to vent her frustrations away from her and also to not get too annoyed when she accidentally pricked her own finger. They were only little things, but Kotori was always one to be careful.

Kotori had made a solemn promise to her as well, never to have alcohol within the house, not even so much as an empty bottle. In fact, she had even poured everything Kotori had formerly held within the house down the sink and throwing the bottles out without a moment's hesitation. Although Kotori enjoyed a drink every now and then, it was a small price to pay for Hanayo’s comfort.

Today, Hanayo had made her way to visit Maki, as per her request that she keep checking in with her throughout the therapy that she had been offered. Maki had been awkward at first, but had grown far better at dealing with this the more times she visited.

“Do you feel like you’ve been getting better?” Maki asked, making herself some coffee and Hanayo some tea.

“Mmhm,” Hanayo nodded, nodding a silent thanks in Maki’s direction when she received her drink, “I think I’m getting better handling my triggers…”

Maki smiled to her and sat down next to her, “That’s good to hear. Anything else?”

“Mm, not a lot. Kotori-chan’s kept all of her promises.”

“I’m glad. She’s always had a force of will,” Maki hummed out loud, before her phone suddenly rang and she raised an eyebrow, “Oh, hold on a second. It’s… The hospital…”

There was a significant amount of bitterness in Maki’s tone at that, before she answered the call with a small sigh, “Hello.”

Although Hanayo couldn't quite make out what was being said, she noticed Maki roll her eyes, “No, I’m not coming in right now.”

There was more hurried speech from behind the speaker and she could see her expression darken, “You’ll have to take the patient, I’m not able to come in. What, I can’t take off time now?”

There was a rising heat in both voices, “I don’t answer to you, if anything, you answer to me, understand? It’s my time off right now and I’m not going to break any promises I made, especially the one to stop working myself to the point of a breakdown. I’m not being unfair, I was in most days last months.”

There was a rather annoyed sounding voice before the line was cut off by a Maki that was gritting her teeth as she turned the phone on silent and placed it back down on the glass table. If Maki hadn’t managed to wean herself off cigarettes effectively, she would have needed to excuse herself for a stress smoke, but she had since gotten rid of everything, from the pack in the ‘forbidden drawer’ and the e-cig.

Maki soon turned back to Hanayo, ready to excuse herself for taking a work phone call, when she saw Hanayo’s trembling hand against her leg and she was hit was a realisation. Tension had appeared within the room and whilst Maki hadn’t meant any of it towards Hanayo, it had charged the atmosphere. All annoyance vanished from Maki’s face, instead replaced with concern.

She moved closer to her on the sofa, slowly as to not make things worse, “Hey, hey, I’m not angry at you. Or anyone.”

Hanayo didn’t appear to respond, so she shuffled closer and carefully brought her arm around her, sighing quietly and allowing her to hug into her chest, “A-are you angry at me?”

“No, Hanayo, I’m not,” Maki said, allowing her space, yet keeping her hugged close enough, “It’s not your fault.”

“But you’re taking time off to see me,” She said, sniffling quietly, “If you weren’t taking this time…”

“This isn’t just for you,” Maki said, her tone soft, “It’s also for me. Things were starting to push me over the edge. This is a bonus, okay?”

Hanayo nodded weakly and the two stayed like that in silence, even as Rin poked her head around the door, about to ask if they needed anything before deciding to not say a word and covertly sending a message to Kotori over text message that each of their girlfriends were actually quite cute together and doing well with progress, even Maki. 

~

As for Eli, she had been undergoing a rigorous detox therapy and it was somehow relaxing, to have the grip on her head loosened and to have that little urge in her head finally begin to leave. Where she was staying kept her under a healthy amount of supervision, with a fitness programme and just about everything else she could possibly need. A safe and welcoming environment, with other people like her.

Of course, she had spent a lot of time coming to terms with what she had done. Therapy had definitely helped, but it was still difficult to make peace with something like that. But it wasn’t her and she knew it. She knew that she couldn’t shift the blame off herself and she recalled the sleepless nights she had had within the first couple of weeks. Those had long since passed though.

Alisa had come to visit her a few times, as had a few of the girls, such as Nozomi and Maki. For the most part though, she had requested time apart from the rest of the group, to collect herself, as she swore the next time they’d all see her, she would be completely clean. It had been a struggle at first, even with the assistance of detox drugs, but she had worked through it. She didn’t want to break another promise.

She had also had her parents visit too. Whilst she didn’t want them to see her in such a state, even her stern and stubborn father accepted with solemnity their daughter’s problem. Whilst it definitely hadn’t been as difficult as coming out to them, they had been as careful as they could with many of the subjects brought to their attention. It was difficult, but all of this was.

Alisa had visited her today specifically and Eli sat herself at the table where Alisa was waiting.

“Onee-chan, it’s been just over six months right?”

“That it has,” Eli nodded, having kept a strict track of all the time she had spent here, “Speaking of that, I have some news.”

“Oh?” Alisa visibly straightened at that.

“I think I’m going to be allowed home soon. I think I’m clean.”

“That’s amazing news!” Alisa exclaimed, happily clasping both of her hands around Eli’s, which Eli couldn’t not smile at. Six months of hard work had paid off.

“I’m just worried that… If I go out there and relapse it’ll all be for nothing. That’s the thing.”

Eli sighed whilst Alisa’s expression softened, “You’re not the type to go back on your word.”

“I know, but… I have. Over alcohol.”

“Well… I’ll make sure you don’t. You can stay with me for a month or so and I’ll not have a drink in the apartment with alcohol in it and we’ll see how you deal with things.”

“It’s… Kind of you to offer, but are you sure I won’t be a bother?”

“You’re my sister, you couldn’t bother me with something like this.”

Eli let a smile grace her features again, nodding as she took a drink from the glass of water laid on the table, “It means a lot Alisa. Thank you.”

The two chatted idly, mainly about how Alisa was getting along with Yukiho and so on, before the time soon came that Alisa had to leave. She took her bag over her shoulder, standing up as did Eli, exchanging a tight hug.

“I’m going to ask my therapist out a potential release date. He agrees that I’ve done a lot of work to get to where I am right now.”

“Okay,” Alisa said as they ended their hug, “I’ll see you soon.”

As Alisa left the facility, she pulled out her phone and dialled up Yukiho, “You know the thing I said I wanted to plan out? Yeah, onee-chan might be getting out soon, now would be the time to sort things out.”

~

“Kotori… Doesn’t this seem a little excessive?” Umi stood by the stepladder, glancing around the room at the bustling around her. She had never been one for crowds, even if they were close friends. It was another reason why she struggled with family reunions.

“Honoka-chan, Umi-chan’s questioning my decorative abilities!”

Whilst Honoka had never been particularly punctual throughout her entire life, Umi felt a wave of concern as she burst into the room with a purpose, striding her way over, taking Umi by the hand and dragging her away from a lot of the ruckus.

“I’m doing this for your own good, working up Kotori-chan is not a good idea.”

“Was it… Really necessary to drag me out?”

“I only do what’s best for you,” Honoka answered honestly, giving her a kiss on the cheek, “And you know how Kotori-chan can get.”

“True,” Umi sighed, “You’ve been known to be misguided when it comes to doing the best for me though.”

“I’ll make you a full box of manjuu if you don’t question Kotori-chan anymore.”

“You do that for me anyway.”

“You get an extra box then,” Honoka shrugged, “Anyway, I have to go and help Yukiho pick the cake up from the bakery.”

“Thank you I suppose,” Umi chuckled, “Safe travels.”

After a full kiss on the lips, Honoka happily exited the apartment with her sister, whilst Umi decided to enter the main room again, this time not commenting on anything Kotori had decided upon. She supposedly knew best after all.

Whilst Umi didn’t have a lot to do, she figured she could just wander around for a while and see how everyone was doing. She spotted Hanayo sat down with Nico, letting a smile flicker and stay on her face as she paced through the rooms. Nozomi was helping Rin with some of Kotori’s instructions and Maki hadn’t quite arrived yet.

She took the opportunity to seat herself on one of the chairs close to the sofa where Nico and Hanayo were chatting about idols, most likely. What else would it be? Her presence went largely unquestioned by the duo, before soon Nico shifted herself to look in Umi’s direction, “Hey, what do you think of this outfit?”

Nico’s phone was quickly shown in her direction and Umi looked it over extremely briefly, before she came to a swift and laconic conclusion.

“Skirts are too short.”

“You never got over the whole ‘skirt’ thing did you? Even after Kotori admitted she’d been making the skirts gradually shorter the whole time we were doing our idol thing?”

“Yes, and now I have trust issues because of it.”

Umi’s very tone was one that Nico couldn’t deduce whether she was joking or not. But Umi didn’t elaborate any further than that as Hanayo cleared her throat, “It still looks cute.”

“It’s not all about skirt length, Umi, you have to appreciate the rest of the outfit as well,” Nico suddenly grinned, “You’re a woman who’s interested in thighs I take it, with how much time you spend lingering on skirts.”

Umi’s face was immediately one of horror, her face blushing up a storm, “Th-that is not true!”

“You’ve always been a terrible liar Umi and you always will be one. Anyway,” Nico hummed, standing herself up, “Gonna go and check on Kotori. See if anything else needs doing.”

Umi took her time to recover, standing up and sitting herself down in Nico’s seat beside Hanayo, “How are you feeling?”

“Good, actually. As strange as it might sound, I’m looking forward to seeing Eli-chan again.”

Umi nodded thoughtfully, “Same here. I regret not going to visit, but Eli didn’t seem like she wanted any of us to go really.”

“Yeah… I just want to see her well again.”

Umi sighed quietly at that. Not that she disagreed with her statement, it was just even with her gone it was strange. To only have eight instead of nine had seemed odd to her now that she thought about it, but it needed to happen.

“Hey, Umi-chan… What would you have done?”

Umi glanced to her with raised eyebrows. Now that the wounds were less fresh and things had gotten better for the both of them, she felt as though she could answer the question. If she’d been asked any number of months before, she couldn’t have.

“Well, I… I’m not as kind as you. Not many people are,” Umi said, settling back on the cushions and looking away from her, “I hold grudges I suppose. But Eli did seem repentant about the whole thing. She looked a mess when I last saw her. So… I think I wouldn’t have necessarily forgiven her, but accepted her apology. I would probably have forgiven her at a later date. When she’d put all the effort in to reconcile.”

Hanayo nodded in understanding at an answer befitting of Umi entirely. She was about grace and firmness, but not necessarily cruelty, and Hanayo always appreciated her honesty and input, especially as she had learned to tone a lot of her strictness down, even though it was still present.

Just then, Kotori entered the room, pulling her hair out of the loose bun she had tied it in with a long sigh, “Do you mind if I sit down?”

When the both of them shook their heads, Kotori sat herself down on one of the other seats, not wanting to put herself between them.

“Everything’s all done now. All we need to do is wait for the cake, Maki-chan and then Alisa-chan will be going to pick up Eli-chan.”

“I just hope everything goes to plan…” Umi said quietly, whilst Kotori rolled her eyes.

“What can go wrong?” Kotori laughed whilst leaning hers back, “I don’t want to jinx it, but I think everything will go just fine.”

“If you say so,” Umi said with a solemn nod.

Rin poked her head into the room, “Maki-chan’ll be here soon! She’s just finishing up!”

“Thanks Rin-chan,” Hanayo said, whilst Rin grinned and disappeared back behind the doorway. It was a little bit worrying to think about what she was possibly doing on her own, especially with Nozomi, but no-one found themselves worried enough to investigate.

Wasting away the time idly chatting, Nozomi and Rin soon joined them, sitting themselves down cross legged on the floor.

“What were you two doing?”

“Well, with Alisa-chan’s help, we made some traditional Russian food using family recipes from her grandmother. There’s enough for everyone too,” Nozomi answered, “And don’t worry Nicocchi, we were fine with just the three of us.”

“I didn’t say anything!”

Nozomi was about to return a tease, before there was a knock on the door that, if Umi thought about it, sounded more like somebody slamming the end of a balled up hand on the door a couple of times, rather than just a gentle rap of the knuckles.

So, she supposed it was Maki, as Rin left to answer, likely along with Alisa. Soon enough, Maki entered the room as well, with a face, that whilst it had seen better days, she looked happy enough to be here.

“Sorry, someone needed emergency surgery and-”

“I’m sure everyone understand Maki-chan, don’t worry,” Nozomi said, Kotori standing to make a space for her on one of the few seats. And whilst Maki didn’t want to take it from her, Kotori seemed to silently insist, sitting down cross legged on the floor.

As Maki appeared to fall asleep in her chair for a little bit, everyone else talked in hushed whispers to avoid waking her, whilst Rin couldn’t hold back from taking a picture to taunt her with later, until Yukiho and Honoka returned, bustling their way into the kitchen to set the cake down and trying their best not to break into an argument, Yukiho having the belief that Honoka had braked too hard at least twice in their journey.

“I’m just saying that if you’re not that confident in my driving abilities then you should’ve driven…”

“Not sure if I trust you in the back seat with the cake alone either.”

“Hey! All that matters is it’s not messed up anyway and it’s not, you checked! So it doesn’t matter!”

“Just because you get lucky being careless sometimes, doesn’t meant to say that something bad won’t ever happen,” Yukiho chastised, “I can’t believe I’m saying this to you when you’re the older sister.”

“You never respected me!” Honoka accused, but she couldn’t stop herself from breaking out into laughter, as did Yukiho. Honoka had become more resigned about her role as the not-very-well-respected older sister and had since gotten over that fact.

“Okay,” Alisa clasped her hands together and led Honoka and Yukiho back with everyone else, “Now that everything’s sorted, just about in time for me to go and pick onee-chan up. I won’t be long.”

Alisa left the rest of them to their own devices, hoping, but also knowing, that they wouldn’t burn her apartment down if they were all left alone together. Not that she thought they were dysfunctional, just that a few of them had still carried parts of themselves over from high school, naming no names of course.

It still felt strange driving to the rehabilitation centre, having not quite gotten used to the idea that her older sister was in there. Getting better, but also struggling. But now was the time to bring her home and make sure she integrated back into life properly, surrounded by close friends whom she regarded as family. Alisa considered herself lucky to be a part of that as well, even if she held a more minor role to the group of nine.

She pulled up to the centre, making her way inside and seeing Eli already at the front desk, back to her with her bag over her shoulder, leaning more casually than Alisa would’ve expected, until she made her way over and tapped her on the shoulder.

Eli broke into a smile upon even the slightest glance over her shoulder and seeing her sister, turning herself around and enveloping her in a bear hug that seemed somehow more crushing than before - then again, there was a gym here and exercising was part of rehabilitation.

“Happy to be coming back I take it?” Alisa said with a laugh as Eli released her.

“Definitely.”

“Then let’s get you out of here.”

Eli savoured the feeling of stepping outside the doors and not having to go back inside after a certain period, a certain freedom from her addiction. Whilst she knew about the effort she still had to continue putting in, she could still return to a normal life, get a new job and overall have a fresh start.

“You were talking pretty personally with the receptionist onee-chan,” Alisa teased as they arrived at the car, “You interested in her?”

Eli chuckled, “Well, she’s nice and all, but… I’m not going to jump back into the dating pool right away. I have a lot of things to sort out in life before a girlfriend. Also recovering alcoholics have a lot of baggage and not a lot of people are into that.” Eli laughed, despite the truth in it all.

Alisa shared that joke with her as they got into the car and pulled away, making their way back to Alisa’s apartment, with Eli blissfully unaware of anything other than the scenery passing her by. She had free reign to get used to it all again after all.

“You’re happy to be back then?”

“Of course I am,” Eli sighed, “I’ve met some good people there, but… You know they try to make it feel homely, but it just doesn’t compare to actually being at home.”

Alisa nodded, “I’m glad to have you back. And I’m sure everyone else will be too.”

“I hope so…” Eli went silent for a few moments, as her expression fell for a brief time.

“They’re your friends. And you’ve put in effort to get better and show you’re sorry.”

“Yeah… You’re right,” She said, straightening herself up and put a smile back on her face, “We’ve known each other for too long, so I’m not going to screw it up now.”

“That’s the spirit.”

The rest of the trip went silently enough, with Alisa not wanting to enquire too deeply on her process and also not wanting to interrupt the stupor that Eli had put herself into, with a slight tinge of worry, if Alisa was reading her expression right. Eli had always worried a lot more than she let on.

Alisa pulled up to her apartment complex, checking her phone to see that Yukiho had texted her that everything was okay and fully ready for them to arrive. 

“Bring your things and we can get you settled back in.”

Eli retrieved her bag from the boot of the car, groaning and stretching one of her arms above her head, “It’s good to be back.”

Alisa was glad to hear nothing from inside the apartment, having been harbouring doubts about a few of their abilities’ to keep quiet. Opening up the door whilst the lights were turned off, there was a light scuffling, which Eli put down to noises from other apartments.

“Have you been cooking?” Eli asked, recognising the smell in the air.

“Yep. Can’t have my big sister coming back without making it a celebration, right?”

Even though the Ayase grandmother was long since gone, which Eli supposed had at least one upside, that she hadn’t witnessed her granddaughter struggle with alcohol addiction, her recipes and traditions had since been continued, especially when it came to the food she used to cook.

Eli let a warm smile grow on her face, “Thank you.”

“That’s not all,” Alisa said cryptically, when all of a sudden the door to the next room slammed open and Honoka burst out of the entrance, the rest of μ’s spilling out from behind her.

“Surprise!”

Eli was overwhelmed at first, glancing from face to face that she had come to have missed over the past six months, “Everyone… You’re here to…?”

“Yep! Welcome home!” Honoka declared, a grin plastered on her face that looked much better than a tired, saddened one she had been unfortunate to witness one too many times.

Eli was quickly ushered into the next room, decorated in Kotori’s style and plenty of goods from the Homura bakery, as well as drinks, careful not to contain a single drop of alcohol of course. And the cake laid out as the magnum opus had an abundance of chocolate present on the icing and on top.

“I… I don’t know how to thank you all.” Eli said, tears gathering in her eyes.

“A simple thank you suffices, considering your efforts,” Umi said, placing a hand on her shoulder, “You’re here to enjoy the party, not to try and busy yourself with unneeded reconciliation.”

Eli’s shoulders relaxed a bit in response to that. She supposed that she had been on her guard the moment she had seen everyone, ready to curl up and bear the brunt of whatever they’d held pent up inside them for the past six months. But everyone had simmered down. Kotori seemed happy and Eli hadn’t spent too long looking at Hanayo yet. The bruises had healed, but she knew she had dealt some damage not just on the outside.

From thereon, the party began. Questions were posed to Eli about her rehabilitation, whether it had been difficult, what had gone on, that sort of thing. Eli didn’t have any problems answering them at all however, wanting to be as open with everyone as possible. They’d accepted her back with open arms and she had worked hard. There should at least be some semblance of normalcy back within their lives.

Soon enough, Kotori had sat herself beside Eli, cup in hand and leaning forward on her seat, “Enjoying the celebration?” She asked with not a hint of malice in her voice. 

“Of course. I like the decorations too.”

“Done by yours truly,” Kotori said with a laugh, “Then again, there’s not really any points for guessing that.”

“No, there’s really not,” Eli smiled, “How’ve you been?”

“I’ve been perfectly fine. Making clothing takes a while, but it’s rewarding when you get it done just right.”

“I can imagine so,” Eli nodded, “What about… You and Hanayo?”

Eli had been nervous to ask such a question, worried that she would find out that Hanayo wasn’t doing well at all and it was all her fault and she knew it.

“She’s progressing well,” Kotori’s tone noticeably softened, “And as for our relationship, we’ve been going for about four months now.”

“Yeah?” Eli felt a pang in her chest, but she knew that Kotori was the better person for her, “I’m happy for you.”

“I know this is going be tough, but… Do you still love her?” Kotori asked, genuine concern written on her face and as much as Eli tried to search for a trace of mocking or smugness, she found none. There was a noticeable pause.

“I’ll get over it.”

Kotori smiled to her, but she reached around her shoulder to give Eli a quick one armed hug and Eli gladly fell into the embrace, “We all still love you. Don’t forget it.”

Eli nodded, “Just take care of her. A better job than me. It won’t be difficult to top, but…”

Kotori only nodded, releasing her and slowly standing herself back up, “I’ll talk to you later.”

Kotori had her eyes centered on a scolding Umi who was telling Honoka off in a hushed tone for taking so much of the mochi from the table and that they lived together, owning a family dojo and that she couldn’t slacken on exercise, lest her weight suffer for it. Kotori went in and acted as the mediator even now, Eli thought fondly.

But Eli’s gaze soon landed on Hanayo, whom Rin had just left in favour for pestering Maki for a few more minutes, whilst Hanayo looked on in affectionate silence.

Eli steeled herself. Yet another conversation to partially dread. She stood herself up and padded across the room, before she soon stood in front of her, nervousness stampeding through her chest like a horde of wildebeests.

“Can I sit down…?” Eli asked, figuring it was better to get permission first.

Hanayo nodded, even giving her a small smile to set her at ease, whilst Eli took a seat at a comfortable distance from her. Eli also took the opportunity to take a drink, to allow herself an idle pause.

“How’ve you been…?”

“I’ve been okay.”

There was a slight falter on Hanayo’s face and Eli couldn’t hold back a flinch. She couldn’t remember what she’d done, but she knew that Hanayo could. Kotori had wondered if Hanayo was okay with being here, but Hanayo had insisted, wanting everyone to be there and wanting something to help ease her triggers; to see Eli doing better. It wasn’t like she was forcing herself to be there, but it did take a degree of effort on her part.

“Good. Good…” Eli took another drink, knocking it back.

“Welcome home, Eli-chan.”

In that moment, there was a mutual understanding. Whilst Hanayo wasn’t exactly comfortable around Eli right now, that would have to be a bridge that Hanayo had to cross on her own, even if the bridge was cracked and broken. Eli had her own issues to work on and recovering from alcoholism and retaining sobriety was an uphill battle for the rest of her life. The wouldn’t make things difficult for one another. At the end of the day, they had been together for years, not just in relationship terms, but as friends as well. They’d work through this and come out at the end all the better for it. Eli had accepted her role as the abuser six months ago, but she would make sure that she wouldn’t ever do anything like that to someone ever again, friend or lover.

So Eli returned the smile with relative ease, “Thank you.”

There wouldn’t be any physicality between them for the time being, simply a mutual distance of respect.

Maki had since woken up from what Rin had dubbed her ‘beauty nap’, picture tagged on social media as such for all to see, joining in the festivities as much as her mind would allow her. But thankfully, after getting food and drink in her, she had perked up a lot. The emergency surgery was long since out of her mind and she had even risen from her chair, what Nico had teasingly referred to as Maki rising from the dead. She had little energy to think up of any clever responses, so she simply let Nico win that round, having since lost mental count of who had more points out of the two of them, making idle conversation, or in Nico’s case, idol conversation.

Soon enough, Maki had been able to settle back down in that seemingly favourite chair, glancing around the crowd that had become her friends and regarded to her as family. It was an odd family of course, one of unmatched blood, yet so tightly knit together. They’d hurt each other, reconciled with each other and always came back stronger than before. Even after this. And the road to recovery was steep, she knew that well enough as well, whilst quitting smoking hadn’t been as hard for her as quitting alcohol must have been for Eli, her respect for her was back to its usual; kouhai looking up to the senpai student council president.

To see Hanayo and Eli sat beside each other once again, whilst even under difficult circumstances, it was heartwarming. Sure, this whole thing had been stressful, but they were all back together again, resilient and as stubborn as ever.

Maki reclined back on her seat, thinking about how things could have been much different if she hadn’t been pushed to join μ’s. It probably would be much more depressing, banal and full of depressive nihilism if she was honest with herself. 

Even if things like this happened, she supposed, Maki knew she wouldn’t have it any other way, amongst her odd, yet immensely loving family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here it is, the final chapter :000 hard to believe it took me over a year to finish it,,, not good tbh but hey, what can ya do? we’re all wrapped up now and i wanted to thank everyone who’s stuck with this story through thick and thin, whether they joined from the very beginning or picked it up partway through! feedback is very much appreciated, even if it is just something like “how dare you do this to pana”
> 
> princess pana and i have a new lil thing already in the works! we’re gonna do one fic at a time, possibly dotted with a few one shots here and there if we come up with somethin’ short (e.g. ‘it won’t last’ which i wrote within the space of three days i’d say??), so please keep sticking with us! both me and princess pana are signing off for now, until next time!

**Author's Note:**

> I'm pretty sure Princess Pana came up with this entire fic based on her grief and anger at not getting White Day Hanayo. And guess who lost the bet to write it?


End file.
